¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

If I were a rich person..

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Á¶*ÁÖ
2021-01-29 303

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

If I were a rich person, I would like to go to Europe for my next vacation.
This is because, I haven't been there and I have heard about this place where there are many beautiful attractions.
Even, as for my major, there are lots of the musical sites in this place and this enables me to broaden my musical background.
Thus, I really want to go to Europe.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Sunny!

Thank you for doing your homework. :)

I understand that English could be really difficult.

But it only takes faith and confidence in yourself to perfect it.

You are a smart person and I know that with constant practice you will do great¡¦ ^_^

Xoxo,

T. Christina ^^

Here are my corrections for you:


If I were a rich person, I would like to go to Europe for my next vacation.

>> CORRECT!
This is because, I haven't been there and I have heard about this place where there are many beautiful attractions.

>> This is because I haven't been there yet, and I have heard about this place where there are many beautiful attractions.
Even, as for my major, there are lots of the musical sites in this place and this enables me to broaden my musical background.

>> In relation to my major, there are lots of musical sites in this place and this will enable me to broaden my musical background.
Thus, I really want to go to Europe.

>> CORRECT!

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
105290 Letter to school draft - correction (3) ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 0
105289 Letter to school draft - correction (2) ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 1
105288 Letter to school draft - correction (1) ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 2
105287 Which hobbise are the most popular in your country? ¼Û*·É ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 267
105286 I usually use a map application on my phone. ±è*Å ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 1
105285 What can happen if a person has nd friends? ¼Û*·É ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 292
105284 Homework ÀÌ*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 3
105283 HOMEWORK ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 296
105282 Homework ½É*»ó ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 307
105281 What religion do you believe and practice? ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 294
105280 In some societies, more and more people are choosing to live on... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 278
105279 HOMEWORK ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 312
105278 Are you worried someone could hack into your computer? What... ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 280
105277 Cleaning my room Á¶*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 388
105276 My favorite season Á¶*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 276
105275 Are you worried someone could hack into your computer? What... ±è*Áö ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 321
105274 HOMEWORK FOR 02.02 Á¤*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 3
105273 What do you think when you hear the sound of laughter? Do you... È«*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 1
105272 fairy tale in our country ±¸*È¿ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 2
105271 Which do you think is the most difficult language? Why? È«*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 386

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04