¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

If I were a rich person..

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Á¶*ÁÖ
2021-01-29 295

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

If I were a rich person, I would like to go to Europe for my next vacation.
This is because, I haven't been there and I have heard about this place where there are many beautiful attractions.
Even, as for my major, there are lots of the musical sites in this place and this enables me to broaden my musical background.
Thus, I really want to go to Europe.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Sunny!

Thank you for doing your homework. :)

I understand that English could be really difficult.

But it only takes faith and confidence in yourself to perfect it.

You are a smart person and I know that with constant practice you will do great¡¦ ^_^

Xoxo,

T. Christina ^^

Here are my corrections for you:


If I were a rich person, I would like to go to Europe for my next vacation.

>> CORRECT!
This is because, I haven't been there and I have heard about this place where there are many beautiful attractions.

>> This is because I haven't been there yet, and I have heard about this place where there are many beautiful attractions.
Even, as for my major, there are lots of the musical sites in this place and this enables me to broaden my musical background.

>> In relation to my major, there are lots of musical sites in this place and this will enable me to broaden my musical background.
Thus, I really want to go to Europe.

>> CORRECT!

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
105164 When I Am Happy ±è*Âù ¿Ï·á 2021-01-29 3
105163 homework ÀÌ*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-29 342
105162 What is the most adorable animal? Why? ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-29 1
105161 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-29 1
105160 My new project ¹Ú*¸í ¿Ï·á 2021-01-29 334
105159 Question º¯*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-29 5
105158 Diet ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-29 264
105157 My opinion about junk food ¼±*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-01-28 373
105156 Would you like a computer to control your house for you? ¼­*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-28 325
105155 Learning foreign language is about changing yourself À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-01-28 1
105154 behind story. ½Å*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-01-28 1
105153 In your opinion, which season is the most beautiful? Çã*´Ã ¿Ï·á 2021-01-28 4
105152 What is the best game in the waterpark? ±è*¿¹ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-28 0
105151 homework ³ë*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-28 2
105150 Do you agree that all students should be required to take a... ±è*¿¹ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-28 0
105149 Interesting activities that I did yesterday Á¶*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-28 1
105148 My assignment Çã*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-28 291
105147 Hmg Àå*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-28 298
105146 Homework (213) ¹Ú*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-28 319
105145 Homework ±è*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2021-01-28 0

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04