¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Do you think money can have a negative effect on people? In what way?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Ȳ*Á¶
2021-02-01 277

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think that money can have some negative effects on people. First, they can make people focus on it. So they can't live normal life. Also, people can be in danger because of the robber and thief. The money makes people live better life but it can also make people feel anxious.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Here's your edited homework, Kai!
Catch you tonight!

Cheers, 
Jean~~


I think that money can have some negative effects on people.
>> correct

 First, they can make people focus on it. 
>> First, it can make people focus too much on it or become obsessed with it. 

So they can't live normal life. 
>> So they can't live normal lives. 

Also, people can be in danger because of the robber and thief. 
>> Also, people can be in danger because of robbers and thieves. 

The money makes people live better life but it can also make people feel anxious.
>> Money makes people live better lives but it can also make them feel anxious.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
105619 Do you agree that tattoo is modern art? ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-14 659
105618 What are the benefits of collecting? ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-14 693
105617 Homework0214 ±è*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-02-14 624
105616 My mom¡¯s best food. ¼±*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-02-14 570
105615 homework ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-14 1
105614 homework ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-14 1
105613 Enough money ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-14 3
105612 Being addicted to sports Á¤*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-14 545
105611 Comparing the works Á¤*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-14 555
105610 Is it important to be punctual on your first date? º¯*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-14 642
105609 Homework ÀÌ*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2021-02-13 5
105608 What is one famouse art work that you are familiar with and how... Á¤*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-02-13 634
105607 HOMEWORK FOR 02.10 Á¤*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-13 592
105606 Hi Elise! ÇÑ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-13 523
105605 What do you plan on doing this Valentine\'s Day? ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-12 586
105604 Do you buy products because of advertising? ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-12 649
105603 Have you ever changed your appearance a lot in a short time? Á¤*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-11 473
105602 Do you prefer holidays which include a lot of activities or more... ±è*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-10 485
105601 Homework (222) ¹Ú*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-10 577
105600 The meanings of the celebrating holidays ÀÌ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-10 610

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04