¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Do you think money can have a negative effect on people? In what way?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Ȳ*Á¶
2021-02-01 260

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think that money can have some negative effects on people. First, they can make people focus on it. So they can't live normal life. Also, people can be in danger because of the robber and thief. The money makes people live better life but it can also make people feel anxious.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Here's your edited homework, Kai!
Catch you tonight!

Cheers, 
Jean~~


I think that money can have some negative effects on people.
>> correct

 First, they can make people focus on it. 
>> First, it can make people focus too much on it or become obsessed with it. 

So they can't live normal life. 
>> So they can't live normal lives. 

Also, people can be in danger because of the robber and thief. 
>> Also, people can be in danger because of robbers and thieves. 

The money makes people live better life but it can also make people feel anxious.
>> Money makes people live better lives but it can also make them feel anxious.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
105224 My work 5 ÇÏ*³ª ¿Ï·á 2021-02-01 323
105223 My work 3 ÇÏ*³ª ¿Ï·á 2021-02-01 315
105222 My work 2 ÇÏ*³ª ¿Ï·á 2021-02-01 305
105221 My work ÇÏ*³ª ¿Ï·á 2021-02-01 1
105220 Homework ¹Ú*¸® ¿Ï·á 2021-02-01 331
105219 Monday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-02-01 252
105218 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-01 1
105217 Korea unveils plans to raise healthy life expectancy by 2030 À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-02-01 3
105216 homework ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-01 293
105215 My new product ¹Ú*¸í ¿Ï·á 2021-02-01 301
105214 Do you think the invention and rise of computers has been a good... ¼­*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-01 304
105213 Ingredients in rose pasta ¼±*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-02-01 355
105212 Which greeting kind of annoys you? À¯*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-31 275
105211 Homework ¹Ú*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2021-01-31 222
105210 homework ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-31 1
105209 homework ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-31 1
105208 homework ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-31 1
105207 Would you choose a different field if you were to start your... ±è*Áö ¿Ï·á 2021-01-31 292
105206 Travel ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-31 912
105205 Lego ninjago ±è*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-31 343

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04