¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

How do you like your retirement would be like?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Á¤*¿ø
2021-02-03 371

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

In this contemporary society, planing our retirement is the important issue, according to expended life span.
When I may retire is around 15 years later from now. I will be almost 60 years old.
In that time, I want to live a leisurely retirement life.
For example, I am going to take a walk two or three times per week for my health and go abroad at least once in a year with my husband if my body condition can cover the trip. Also, I won't stop learning such as foreign languages and doing my hobby, which are knitting and making flowers. Learning makes me feel alive. Furthermore, family should be with me.
I am dreaming a wonderful retirement with my family.
I am a kind of independent person, but I don't want to be alone when I am old.
Having a beautiful retirement is rearlly difficult.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there Young Won!

Indeed retirement is one of the primary considerations when it comes to aging as it is very challenging physically and emotionally. However, it is one of the realities that we have to contend with as it will come whether we like it or not.

Thus, we have to embrace it with readiness.

Thanks once again for being able to craft a very good essay. Excellent job!

-T. Donna =)

In this contemporary society, planing our retirement is the important issue, according to expended life span.
>> Correct!
Or: planning (spelling)

When I may retire is around 15 years later from now. I will be almost 60 years old.
>> When I retire around 15 years later from now, I will be almost 60 years old.

In that time, I want to live a leisurely retirement life.
>> Correct!
Or: >> During that time...

For example, I am going to take a walk two or three times per week for my health and go abroad at least once in a year with my husband if my body condition can cover the trip. Also, I won't stop learning such as foreign languages and doing my hobby, which are knitting and making flowers. Learning makes me feel alive.
>> Correct! Very good sentences!

Furthermore, family should be with me.
>> Furthermore, my family should be with me.

I am dreaming a wonderful retirement with my family.
>> Correct!

I am a kind of independent person, but I don't want to be alone when I am old.
>> Correct!

Having a beautiful retirement is rearlly difficult.
>> Correct!
Or: really (spelling)

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
105301 Homework ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 238
105300 How to study a foreign language ÀÌ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 358
105299 If i could be a star or a celebrity for just one day. ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 240
105298 What do I usually do when I go tothe beach ½É*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 1
105297 grammar ¼Õ*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 212
105296 What three adjectives best describe January, and why? ±è*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 339
105295 I don\'t think mermaids are real ±è*¶û ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 302
105294 Hacking ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 4
105293 I wonder grammer À±*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 1
105292 Homework °­*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 330
105291 30-day homework ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 221
105290 Letter to school draft - correction (3) ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 0
105289 Letter to school draft - correction (2) ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 1
105288 Letter to school draft - correction (1) ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 2
105287 Which hobbise are the most popular in your country? ¼Û*·É ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 247
105286 I usually use a map application on my phone. ±è*Å ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 1
105285 What can happen if a person has nd friends? ¼Û*·É ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 280
105284 Homework ÀÌ*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 3
105283 HOMEWORK ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 282
105282 Homework ½É*»ó ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 289

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04