¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

How do you like your retirement would be like?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Á¤*¿ø
2021-02-03 385

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

In this contemporary society, planing our retirement is the important issue, according to expended life span.
When I may retire is around 15 years later from now. I will be almost 60 years old.
In that time, I want to live a leisurely retirement life.
For example, I am going to take a walk two or three times per week for my health and go abroad at least once in a year with my husband if my body condition can cover the trip. Also, I won't stop learning such as foreign languages and doing my hobby, which are knitting and making flowers. Learning makes me feel alive. Furthermore, family should be with me.
I am dreaming a wonderful retirement with my family.
I am a kind of independent person, but I don't want to be alone when I am old.
Having a beautiful retirement is rearlly difficult.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there Young Won!

Indeed retirement is one of the primary considerations when it comes to aging as it is very challenging physically and emotionally. However, it is one of the realities that we have to contend with as it will come whether we like it or not.

Thus, we have to embrace it with readiness.

Thanks once again for being able to craft a very good essay. Excellent job!

-T. Donna =)

In this contemporary society, planing our retirement is the important issue, according to expended life span.
>> Correct!
Or: planning (spelling)

When I may retire is around 15 years later from now. I will be almost 60 years old.
>> When I retire around 15 years later from now, I will be almost 60 years old.

In that time, I want to live a leisurely retirement life.
>> Correct!
Or: >> During that time...

For example, I am going to take a walk two or three times per week for my health and go abroad at least once in a year with my husband if my body condition can cover the trip. Also, I won't stop learning such as foreign languages and doing my hobby, which are knitting and making flowers. Learning makes me feel alive.
>> Correct! Very good sentences!

Furthermore, family should be with me.
>> Furthermore, my family should be with me.

I am dreaming a wonderful retirement with my family.
>> Correct!

I am a kind of independent person, but I don't want to be alone when I am old.
>> Correct!

Having a beautiful retirement is rearlly difficult.
>> Correct!
Or: really (spelling)

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
105130 HOMEWORK ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-28 274
105129 Why do you think body language is important? ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-01-28 0
105128 Thursday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-01-28 230
105127 What would you do if you had to travel to a country where it\'s... ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-01-28 0
105126 Winter season ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-28 355
105125 Homework ½É*»ó ¿Ï·á 2021-01-28 243
105124 What makes you happy? È«*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-01-28 309
105123 Hi Ysabelle. º¯*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-28 4
105122 Biden\'s presidency to offer Korean economy greater chance À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-01-28 1
105121 photo ½É*¿ë ¿Ï·á 2021-01-28 326
105120 ielts taks 1 ÀÌ*¼® ¿Ï·á 2021-01-28 339
105119 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-28 1
105118 Beauty stores battered by coronavirus pandemic À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-01-28 1
105117 It is good for many things, but it is difficult. ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-28 369
105116 Who did you play with most often when you were growing up? ±è*Áö ¿Ï·á 2021-01-28 331
105115 For some survivors, COVID-19 won\'t go away À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-01-28 1
105114 (HW) What disease frightens you the most? Why? Á¤*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-01-28 295
105113 Many people spend money and not save it. What are the reasons?... ±Ç*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-01-28 283
105112 How people are greeting in Australia? À¯*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-28 2
105111 Homework (212) ¹Ú*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-28 453

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04