¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

friend

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Çã*
2021-02-09 503

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

When I treat my best friends, I try to be truthful and to do my best for them.
Being a flexbile and versatile person is needed to become a nice friend.
I am quiet at usual, but I become a talkative person when I'm with my friends.
I love to support and help them because I want them to be succecsful sincerely.
In fact, I think relationship is like an illusion.
One person births alone and lives within lots of communities with various people with various personality, but only family and few freinds woule be with him when he die eventually.
So I love taking care about my soulmates than caring any superficial worthless relationship.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello there, Christian!
(^___^)//

Thank you so much for this composition.
It was pretty long, but I've read it well. I have made some modifications for you to review later on.
If you have questions, we can discuss them on Tuesday next week.
See you then! »õÇØ º¹ ¸¹ÀÌ ¹ÞÀ¸¼¼¿ä

__T. Mayleen :)


When I treat my best friends, I try to be truthful and to do my best for them.
>>> I try to treat my best friends with utmost honesty. I also do my best for them.
Being a flexbile and versatile person is needed to become a nice friend.
>>> Being a flexible and versatile person is needed to be a nice/good friend.
I am quiet at usual, but I become a talkative person when I'm with my friends.
>>> CORRECT
>>> OR: I'm usually quiet, but I become talkative when I'm with my friends.
I love to support and help them because I want them to be succecsful sincerely.
>>> I love to support and help them because I sincerely want them to be successful.
In fact, I think relationship is like an illusion.
>>> In fact, I believe that a relationship is like an illusion.
One person births alone and lives within lots of communities with various people with various personality, but only family and few freinds woule be with him when he die eventually.
>>> In a community, there are a lot of people with various/different personalities, but family members are usually alike. Family and real friends will not leave you until you die.
So I love taking care about my soulmates than caring any superficial worthless relationship.
>>> Thus, I will take care of my loved ones than any superficial worthless relationships.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
105951 homework ÀÌ*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-24 1241
105950 homework ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-24 1567
105949 I ¹®*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-24 2
105948 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-24 1
105947 What part of your childhood would you remember the most? ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-24 1
105946 My most memorable family gathering or holiday experience ½É*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-24 1
105945 What are the situations that make you angry? Give me 2... Á¤*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-24 1152
105944 Homework º¯*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-24 1050
105943 English Homework 30 ÃÖ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-02-24 1558
105942 Have you ever disobeyed the law before? Á¤*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-02-24 1699
105941 Homework (227) ¹Ú*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-23 1061
105940 The part of my childhood that I remember the most ±è*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-02-23 1093
105939 Reason for study hard ¼±*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-02-23 1157
105938 Part2 - The article divided into two parts because of word\'s... Á¤*ö ¿Ï·á 2021-02-23 1170
105937 Part1 - The article divided into two parts because of word\'s... Á¤*ö ¿Ï·á 2021-02-23 1121
105936 A tragic accident ÀÌ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-23 1002
105935 Hm Àå*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-23 1081
105934 What do you think is the most important thing when dealing with... ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-23 1227
105933 If you could change anything about your country, what would you... ¼­*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-23 1317
105932 grammar ¼Õ*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-02-23 1114

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04