¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

friend

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Çã*
2021-02-09 468

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

When I treat my best friends, I try to be truthful and to do my best for them.
Being a flexbile and versatile person is needed to become a nice friend.
I am quiet at usual, but I become a talkative person when I'm with my friends.
I love to support and help them because I want them to be succecsful sincerely.
In fact, I think relationship is like an illusion.
One person births alone and lives within lots of communities with various people with various personality, but only family and few freinds woule be with him when he die eventually.
So I love taking care about my soulmates than caring any superficial worthless relationship.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello there, Christian!
(^___^)//

Thank you so much for this composition.
It was pretty long, but I've read it well. I have made some modifications for you to review later on.
If you have questions, we can discuss them on Tuesday next week.
See you then! »õÇØ º¹ ¸¹ÀÌ ¹ÞÀ¸¼¼¿ä

__T. Mayleen :)


When I treat my best friends, I try to be truthful and to do my best for them.
>>> I try to treat my best friends with utmost honesty. I also do my best for them.
Being a flexbile and versatile person is needed to become a nice friend.
>>> Being a flexible and versatile person is needed to be a nice/good friend.
I am quiet at usual, but I become a talkative person when I'm with my friends.
>>> CORRECT
>>> OR: I'm usually quiet, but I become talkative when I'm with my friends.
I love to support and help them because I want them to be succecsful sincerely.
>>> I love to support and help them because I sincerely want them to be successful.
In fact, I think relationship is like an illusion.
>>> In fact, I believe that a relationship is like an illusion.
One person births alone and lives within lots of communities with various people with various personality, but only family and few freinds woule be with him when he die eventually.
>>> In a community, there are a lot of people with various/different personalities, but family members are usually alike. Family and real friends will not leave you until you die.
So I love taking care about my soulmates than caring any superficial worthless relationship.
>>> Thus, I will take care of my loved ones than any superficial worthless relationships.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
105701 Homework (224) ¹Ú*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-16 851
105700 Noun FRUIT and adjective FRUTY ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-02-16 798
105699 What makes someone beautiful? Á¶*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-02-16 1
105698 About self-esteem ¼±*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-02-16 824
105697 Better learning ÀÌ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-16 975
105696 Homework ±è*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2021-02-16 809
105695 grammar ¼Õ*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-02-16 822
105694 There is a lot of importance of rocks. ±è*¶û ¿Ï·á 2021-02-16 975
105693 In my country ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-16 2
105692 Do you believe in miracles? What miracles happen around you... ¼­*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-16 843
105691 What do you think is the reason why the students weren\'t... ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-16 1
105690 Would you like to be famous? Why or why not? ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-16 1
105689 HOMEWORK ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-16 831
105688 If you had one wish at this point in time, what would it be?... È«*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-02-16 1
105687 What are the things you expect for this new year? ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-02-16 0
105686 heard to getting older Á¶*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-02-16 1
105685 Homework ÀÌ*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2021-02-16 6
105684 my busiest day of the week Á¶*½Å ¿Ï·á 2021-02-16 936
105683 What makes someone beautiful? Á¶*½Å ¿Ï·á 2021-02-16 937
105682 Have you ever dialed a wrong number? ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-16 838

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04