¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

friend

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Çã*
2021-02-09 461

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

When I treat my best friends, I try to be truthful and to do my best for them.
Being a flexbile and versatile person is needed to become a nice friend.
I am quiet at usual, but I become a talkative person when I'm with my friends.
I love to support and help them because I want them to be succecsful sincerely.
In fact, I think relationship is like an illusion.
One person births alone and lives within lots of communities with various people with various personality, but only family and few freinds woule be with him when he die eventually.
So I love taking care about my soulmates than caring any superficial worthless relationship.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello there, Christian!
(^___^)//

Thank you so much for this composition.
It was pretty long, but I've read it well. I have made some modifications for you to review later on.
If you have questions, we can discuss them on Tuesday next week.
See you then! »õÇØ º¹ ¸¹ÀÌ ¹ÞÀ¸¼¼¿ä

__T. Mayleen :)


When I treat my best friends, I try to be truthful and to do my best for them.
>>> I try to treat my best friends with utmost honesty. I also do my best for them.
Being a flexbile and versatile person is needed to become a nice friend.
>>> Being a flexible and versatile person is needed to be a nice/good friend.
I am quiet at usual, but I become a talkative person when I'm with my friends.
>>> CORRECT
>>> OR: I'm usually quiet, but I become talkative when I'm with my friends.
I love to support and help them because I want them to be succecsful sincerely.
>>> I love to support and help them because I sincerely want them to be successful.
In fact, I think relationship is like an illusion.
>>> In fact, I believe that a relationship is like an illusion.
One person births alone and lives within lots of communities with various people with various personality, but only family and few freinds woule be with him when he die eventually.
>>> In a community, there are a lot of people with various/different personalities, but family members are usually alike. Family and real friends will not leave you until you die.
So I love taking care about my soulmates than caring any superficial worthless relationship.
>>> Thus, I will take care of my loved ones than any superficial worthless relationships.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
105637 NO I don\'t agree that the age is just a number À¯*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-02-15 571
105636 Do you remember the first time you used a computer or the... ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-15 1
105635 2/15 ¼­*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-15 738
105634 What are the things you want to do while you are young? Why? ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-15 1
105633 HOMEWORK ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-15 754
105632 What\'s the main reason you want to have a driver\'s license? ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-15 1
105631 How can you motivate yourself to be a better person? º¯*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-15 739
105630 Homework ¹Ú*¸® ¿Ï·á 2021-02-15 592
105629 How rich do you want to be? How much money is enough for you? ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-15 1
105628 Why do you think people are addicted to social media? ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-15 1
105627 Homework ÀÌ*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2021-02-15 6
105626 homework ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-15 545
105625 Addict ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-15 2
105624 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-15 1
105623 I... ¹®*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-15 2
105622 writing check up_Please feel free to correct sentences ¾È*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-15 2
105621 writing check up ¾È*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-15 1
105620 Monday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-02-15 773
105619 Do you agree that tattoo is modern art? ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-14 623
105618 What are the benefits of collecting? ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-14 655

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04