¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

friend

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Çã*
2021-02-09 487

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

When I treat my best friends, I try to be truthful and to do my best for them.
Being a flexbile and versatile person is needed to become a nice friend.
I am quiet at usual, but I become a talkative person when I'm with my friends.
I love to support and help them because I want them to be succecsful sincerely.
In fact, I think relationship is like an illusion.
One person births alone and lives within lots of communities with various people with various personality, but only family and few freinds woule be with him when he die eventually.
So I love taking care about my soulmates than caring any superficial worthless relationship.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello there, Christian!
(^___^)//

Thank you so much for this composition.
It was pretty long, but I've read it well. I have made some modifications for you to review later on.
If you have questions, we can discuss them on Tuesday next week.
See you then! »õÇØ º¹ ¸¹ÀÌ ¹ÞÀ¸¼¼¿ä

__T. Mayleen :)


When I treat my best friends, I try to be truthful and to do my best for them.
>>> I try to treat my best friends with utmost honesty. I also do my best for them.
Being a flexbile and versatile person is needed to become a nice friend.
>>> Being a flexible and versatile person is needed to be a nice/good friend.
I am quiet at usual, but I become a talkative person when I'm with my friends.
>>> CORRECT
>>> OR: I'm usually quiet, but I become talkative when I'm with my friends.
I love to support and help them because I want them to be succecsful sincerely.
>>> I love to support and help them because I sincerely want them to be successful.
In fact, I think relationship is like an illusion.
>>> In fact, I believe that a relationship is like an illusion.
One person births alone and lives within lots of communities with various people with various personality, but only family and few freinds woule be with him when he die eventually.
>>> In a community, there are a lot of people with various/different personalities, but family members are usually alike. Family and real friends will not leave you until you die.
So I love taking care about my soulmates than caring any superficial worthless relationship.
>>> Thus, I will take care of my loved ones than any superficial worthless relationships.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
105255 What is something that I have bought recently? Á¶*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-01 1
105254 Homework º¯*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-01 2
105253 Homework ÀÓ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-02-01 309
105252 What is something you hate doing when you get home? ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-01 305
105251 Homework (215) ¹Ú*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-01 333
105250 Do you think money can have a negative effect on people? In what... Ȳ*Á¶ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-01 265
105249 Things that come to my mine when I hear the words ¡°Covid-19¡±. ±è*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-02-01 318
105248 Homework ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-02-01 295
105247 grammar ¼Õ*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-02-01 312
105246 T.G.I.F. Mean ±è*Âù ¿Ï·á 2021-02-01 2
105245 What comes to mind in February. ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-02-01 269
105244 Homework °­*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-02-01 285
105243 Hm Àå*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-01 202
105242 HOMEWORK Á¤*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-01 3
105241 HOMEWORK Á¤*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-01 3
105240 My strangest dream ±è*¶û ¿Ï·á 2021-02-01 339
105239 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-01 0
105238 What\'s your favorite season and why? ±è*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-02-01 1
105237 If you would learn another skill, what would it be? ¼Û*·É ¿Ï·á 2021-02-01 252
105236 I like Chuseok holiday. ±è*Å ¿Ï·á 2021-02-01 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04