¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

HOMEWORK

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ·ù*ÁÖ
2021-02-09 570

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

What makes you interested in playing computer games?
-> Fun activities in computer games made me interested in playing computer games.
First, each computer games have fun activities or interesting stories.
And these things make computer games very interesting to me.
Second, I can spend my time for doing some activities in computer games.
If I feel bored, I can spend my time for doing some activities in computer games.
So fun activities in computer games made me interested in playing computer games.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi John! Thank you for making an effort in answering your homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon!

Fun activities in computer games made me interested in playing computer games.
>> Fun activities on the computer makes me interested in it. 

First, each computer games have fun activities or interesting stories.
>> First, each computer game has fun activities or interesting stories.

And these things make computer games very interesting to me.
>> These things makes computer games interesting to me. 

Second, I can spend my time for doing some activities in computer games.
>> I can spend most of my time playing games on my computer. 

If I feel bored, I can spend my time for doing some activities in computer games.
>> If I feel bored, I can just easily use my computer to be entertained. 

So fun activities in computer games made me interested in playing computer games.
>> Fun activities make me interested in playing computer games. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
105290 Letter to school draft - correction (3) ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 0
105289 Letter to school draft - correction (2) ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 1
105288 Letter to school draft - correction (1) ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 2
105287 Which hobbise are the most popular in your country? ¼Û*·É ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 267
105286 I usually use a map application on my phone. ±è*Å ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 1
105285 What can happen if a person has nd friends? ¼Û*·É ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 291
105284 Homework ÀÌ*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 3
105283 HOMEWORK ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 295
105282 Homework ½É*»ó ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 306
105281 What religion do you believe and practice? ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 294
105280 In some societies, more and more people are choosing to live on... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 277
105279 HOMEWORK ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 311
105278 Are you worried someone could hack into your computer? What... ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 280
105277 Cleaning my room Á¶*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 388
105276 My favorite season Á¶*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 274
105275 Are you worried someone could hack into your computer? What... ±è*Áö ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 321
105274 HOMEWORK FOR 02.02 Á¤*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 3
105273 What do you think when you hear the sound of laughter? Do you... È«*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 1
105272 fairy tale in our country ±¸*È¿ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 2
105271 Which do you think is the most difficult language? Why? È«*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 386

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04