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영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

I think Paris.

작성자: 김*희
2021-02-10 636

회원님의 영작문

Today, on my online-class, my teacher asked me if I want to go Paris. My answer was no because in my image nowadays Paris is too dangerous to travel. When I come up with Paris, The words such as terrorism by refuges or Muslims, pickpockets and racism follow. But when I was single(before 15 years), I thought that Paris was fantastic, beautiful and advanced. What was changed in my mind?

When I was young, I met Paris in comics book and picture, but recently I've meet it on TV news. So I decided that My thought-change came form reality. The gap between real word and comic word make me more negative to Paris. The prejudice about other country is made easily from TV. It's natural for people to pay attention to bad news of foreign country because it's more important to prevent something similar.

After many thought, I made up my mind to throw away the black and white logic like a "Paris is bad, Seoul is good.". I should consider the diversity and multi-layer of the world.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi Tae Hee!
This is great!
Thank you for you composition today.
Take note of the corrections below.
If you have any questions, you can ask in class.
Enjoy your holiday and see you next week.^^
~~ Teacher Sharon
Today, on my online-class, my teacher asked me if I want to go Paris. 
>> My teacher asked me if I wanted to go to Paris during my online class today.
My answer was no because in my image nowadays Paris is too dangerous to travel. 
>> My answer was "no" because I believe that it's too dangerous to travel to Paris nowadays.
When I come up with Paris, The words such as terrorism by refuges or Muslims, pickpockets and racism follow. 
>> When I think about Paris, words such as terrorism by refugees or Muslims, pickpockets and racism follow. 
But when I was single(before 15 years), I thought that Paris was fantastic, beautiful and advanced. 
>> However, 15 years ago when I was single, I thought that Paris was fantastic, beautiful and advanced.
What was changed in my mind?
>> What changed my mind?
When I was young, I met Paris in comics book and picture, but recently I've meet it on TV news. 
>> When I was young, I saw Paris in comic books and pictures, but recently I only see it on the news on TV.
So I decided that My thought-change came form reality. 
>> That's why I realized that my thoughts changed because of reality.
The gap between real word and comic word make me more negative to Paris. 
>> There is a gap between the comic book world and the real world which gives a more negative view on Paris.
The prejudice about other country is made easily from TV. 
>> Prejudice against other countries are easily made available on TV.
It's natural for people to pay attention to bad news of foreign country because it's more important to prevent something similar.
>> It's natural for people to pay attention to bad news about foreign countries because it's more important to prevent something similar.
After many thought, I made up my mind to throw away the black and white logic like a "Paris is bad, Seoul is good.". 
>> After a lot of thinking, I made up my mind to throw away the black and white logic like  "Paris is bad and Seoul is good."
I should consider the diversity and multi-layer of the world.
>> I should consider the diversity in the world. 
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첨삭이 가능하며,

올려주신 글의 강사님 첨삭은 24시간 이내에
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