¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

02.16.21 About Plastic surgery and Beauty .

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: È«*¼ö
2021-02-16 701

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

1. Do you think that different cultures think about beauty differently?

Yes, It depends on different culture. Because we have individual different personalities and characteristics when we grow up.
And we experience around different environment.


2. What do you think of plastic surgery?

I believe that you can take plastic surgery but it is not good way to express what you took.
It can be effected to young children. Actually they are beautiful the way they are. But displaying plastic surgery could be popular even they aren¡¯t into that.

3. What is the most common plastic surgery in your country?

I believe that people care about their appearance from what other people look at them.
That¡¯s why they want to have big eyes and high nose and an oval face.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Steph!
Thank you for your response. Plastic surgery is really a new norm. It's getting popular to a lot of people. However, I totally agree with you that it always depends on you and it should be what you want and not what other's want you to do. By the way, your sentences make sense. You just need to be mindful of the punctuation marks. I also suggested some new expressions that could somehow convey your ideas better. Keep it up!
~Elica~
1. Do you think that different cultures think about beauty differently?
>>CORRECT

Yes, It depends on different culture. 
>>Yes, it depends on different cultures. 
Because we have individual different personalities and characteristics when we grow up.
>>CORRECT
And we experience around different environment.
>>CORRECT


2. What do you think of plastic surgery?
>>CORRECT

I believe that you can take plastic surgery but it is not good way to express what you took.
>>I believe that you an undergo plastic surgery but it is not a good way to express what you think.
It can be effected to young children. 
>>It can affect young children.
Actually they are beautiful the way they are. 
>>CORRECT
But displaying plastic surgery could be popular even they aren¡¯t into that.
>>CORRECT

3. What is the most common plastic surgery in your country?
>>CORRECT

I believe that people care about their appearance from what other people look at them.
>>I believe that people care about their appearance and on how people see them.
That¡¯s why they want to have big eyes and high nose and an oval face.
>>That¡¯s why they want to have big eyes, high nose and an oval face.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
105996 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-25 1
105995 State of interest #8 Áø*±â ¿Ï·á 2021-02-25 1330
105994 State of interest #7 Áø*±â ¿Ï·á 2021-02-25 1679
105993 State of interest #6 Áø*±â ¿Ï·á 2021-02-25 1476
105992 State of interest #5 Áø*±â ¿Ï·á 2021-02-25 1
105991 What is something that you would have a hard time giving up and... ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-25 1
105990 English Homework 31 ÃÖ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-02-25 1243
105989 Homework ÀÌ*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2021-02-24 3
105988 If you discovered that someone had been gossiping about you,... ±è*ÇØ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-24 1234
105987 The food makes me feel at home ±è*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-02-24 1482
105986 Write about the worst movie you have seen. Ȳ*Á¶ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-24 1232
105985 What must a company do or have to be successful? ¼­*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-24 1833
105984 Homework (228) ¹Ú*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-24 1285
105983 State of interest #4 Áø*±â ¿Ï·á 2021-02-24 1495
105982 State of interest #3 Áø*±â ¿Ï·á 2021-02-24 1468
105981 State of interest #2 Áø*±â ¿Ï·á 2021-02-24 1827
105980 State of interest #1 Áø*±â ¿Ï·á 2021-02-24 10933
105979 What springs to mind when you hear the term ¡®junk food¡¯? ±è*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-24 1857
105978 [2/23]Homework ¹Ú*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2021-02-24 1
105977 [2/22]Homework ¹Ú*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2021-02-24 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04