¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What makes someone beautiful?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Á¶*½Å
2021-02-16 930

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Everyone wants to be beautiful. So they buy a new clothes, new cosmetics, and change their hairstyle. Then, what makes people beautiful? In my opinion, I think their personality make them beautiful. First, we think people who are kind is beautiful. Because they are good to people, they has a good first impression to people. First impression is really important because people's attitude depends on first impression. Second, we can buy better appearance by cosmetic surgery but we can't buy good personality. And I think things that we can't buy with money is valuable than things that we can buy with money.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello, Hannah~
You have made very good sentences.
Keep it up!

- T. Rina


1. Everyone wants to be beautiful. 
>> CORRECT!

2. So they buy a new clothes, new cosmetics, and change their hairstyle. 
>> So, they buy new clothes, new cosmetics and change their hairstyles.

3. Then, what makes people beautiful? 
>> CORRECT!

4. In my opinion, I think their personality make them beautiful.
>> In my opinion, I think their personalities make them beautiful.

5. First, we think people who are kind is beautiful. 
>> First, we think people who are kind are beautiful. 

6. Because they are good to people, they has a good first impression to people. 
>> Because they are good to people, they have a good first impression to people. 

7. First impression is really important because people's attitude depends on first impression. 
>> CORRECT!

8. Second, we can buy better appearance by cosmetic surgery but we can't buy good personality. 
>> CORRECT!

9. And I think things that we can't buy with money is valuable than things that we can buy with money.
 >> And I think things that we can't buy with money are more valuable than the things that we can buy with money.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
105809 What basketball teams do you follow? What is interesting about... Á¤*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-19 934
105808 02.19 Fri. About living. È«*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2021-02-19 7
105807 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-19 1
105806 What do you say first when you answer a call? ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-19 1129
105805 Baseball instead of Basketball °û*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-02-19 1205
105804 homework0219 ±è*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-02-19 934
105803 ENGLISH HOMEWORK 29 ÃÖ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-02-19 1180
105802 homework ÀÌ*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-19 1034
105801 Composition º¯*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-19 8
105800 Who would I go travel with ½É*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-19 0
105799 How many cars would you like to have? Why ? ±è*À» ¿Ï·á 2021-02-18 997
105798 If you can control the time of your sleep, would you rather... Á¤*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-02-18 930
105797 The thing that¡¯s not yet existing but I want to be invented ±è*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-02-18 1007
105796 HOMEWORK FOR 02.18 Á¤*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-18 1021
105795 Who do you think is/was the greatest man in Korea? ±è*¿¹ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-18 0
105794 What is a \'healing game\'? ±è*¿¹ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-18 0
105793 if I were a lyricist... ±è*À» ¿Ï·á 2021-02-18 739
105792 Breaking a bad vice ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-18 1020
105791 Abandoned a job field that I was in over 10 years À±*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-02-18 1010
105790 Homework ±è*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2021-02-18 904

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04