¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

The biggest problem that I have overcome.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*ȯ
2021-02-16 1257

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

21 year ago. I joined the military. All of healthy Korean men have to do military service.
After basic military training, I was placed special force. I never want to be placed, but I had no choice.
A life at special force was extreme hard. I had to take special training as like Helicopter rappel(to jump into air from helicopter 10m ~15m high with a rope), special martial arts( kind of Taekwondo). While I was taking the training, I thought that getting hurt as much can't walk better than taking the training. So When I ran on a mountain in summer, I thought that hundred times. But I couldn't. After putting down all of my mind, I was easy. Those days, I had slept with dreams that it was drinking beer, having a meal my mom served every days.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Il Hwan,

  Thank you for taking time to answer this question. It only proves that you really wanted to improve in your English skill. Please do check and take note of the corrections for your improvement. I hope it helped you. 

Keep up the good work!

Sincerely,
Teacher Annie (^^)



The biggest problem that I have overcome.


21 year ago. I joined the military. All of healthy Korean men have to do military service.
>>> 21 years ago I joined the military. All healthy Korean men have to do military service in Korea.

After basic military training, I was placed special force. 
>>> After basic military training, I was placed in the special force. 

I never want to be placed, but I had no choice.
>>> I never want to be assigned to the special force, but I had no choice.

A life at special force was extreme hard. 
>>> Life at the special force was extremely hard. 

I had to take special training as like Helicopter rappel(to jump into air from helicopter 10m ~15m high with a rope), special martial arts( kind of Taekwondo). 
>>> I had to take special training like Helicopter rappel (to jump into the air from a helicopter which is 10m ~15m high with a rope), especially martial arts which is similar to Taekwondo. 

While I was taking the training, I thought that getting hurt as much can't walk better than taking the training. 
>>> While I was taking the training, I thought that getting hurt to the point that I can't walk will be better than taking the rest of the training. 

So When I ran on a mountain in summer, I thought that hundred times. 
>>> So when I ran on a mountain in summer, I have thought that for hundred times but I couldn't.

But I couldn't. After putting down all of my mind, I was easy. 
>>> After focusing all of my minds, it became easy. 

Those days, I had slept with dreams that it was drinking beer, having a meal my mom served every days.
>>> Those days, I had slept with dreams that I was drinking beer or I was having a meal that my mom used to serve every day.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
106218 HOMEWORK FOR 03.04 Á¤*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-04 5464
106217 Thursday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-03-04 5207
106216 What are you thoughts about having face to face classes even if... ±è*¿­ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-04 5386
106215 What are you thoughts about having face to face classes even if... ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-03-04 0
106214 What are the advantages and disadvantages of using social media... ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-03-04 0
106213 Why do we need to help other people? ¼Û*·É ¿Ï·á 2021-03-04 4724
106212 Hi º¯*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-04 4426
106211 Could you check my writing? Á¤*ö ¿Ï·á 2021-03-04 4161
106210 homework ÀÌ*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-04 4986
106209 What is the most important characteristic to have when working... ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-04 4324
106208 What makes a city great to live in? Are cities good for the... È«*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2021-03-04 1
106207 What are the advantages and disadvantages of using social media... ¹Ú*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-04 4651
106206 What are you thoughts about having face to face classes even if... Çã*´Ã ¿Ï·á 2021-03-04 4
106205 What are the comedy movies you have seen? ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-04 5323
106204 The graph below shows tourism statistics among Venezuelian... Á¤*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-03-04 3685
106203 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-04 2
106202 If you went to school again, what would you do differently? ±è*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-04 4711
106201 Face to face class ¼³*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-04 4060
106200 check please ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-03-04 4549
106199 HOMEWORK FOR 03.03 Á¤*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-03 4189

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04