¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

The biggest problem that I have overcome.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*ȯ
2021-02-16 1238

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

21 year ago. I joined the military. All of healthy Korean men have to do military service.
After basic military training, I was placed special force. I never want to be placed, but I had no choice.
A life at special force was extreme hard. I had to take special training as like Helicopter rappel(to jump into air from helicopter 10m ~15m high with a rope), special martial arts( kind of Taekwondo). While I was taking the training, I thought that getting hurt as much can't walk better than taking the training. So When I ran on a mountain in summer, I thought that hundred times. But I couldn't. After putting down all of my mind, I was easy. Those days, I had slept with dreams that it was drinking beer, having a meal my mom served every days.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Il Hwan,

  Thank you for taking time to answer this question. It only proves that you really wanted to improve in your English skill. Please do check and take note of the corrections for your improvement. I hope it helped you. 

Keep up the good work!

Sincerely,
Teacher Annie (^^)



The biggest problem that I have overcome.


21 year ago. I joined the military. All of healthy Korean men have to do military service.
>>> 21 years ago I joined the military. All healthy Korean men have to do military service in Korea.

After basic military training, I was placed special force. 
>>> After basic military training, I was placed in the special force. 

I never want to be placed, but I had no choice.
>>> I never want to be assigned to the special force, but I had no choice.

A life at special force was extreme hard. 
>>> Life at the special force was extremely hard. 

I had to take special training as like Helicopter rappel(to jump into air from helicopter 10m ~15m high with a rope), special martial arts( kind of Taekwondo). 
>>> I had to take special training like Helicopter rappel (to jump into the air from a helicopter which is 10m ~15m high with a rope), especially martial arts which is similar to Taekwondo. 

While I was taking the training, I thought that getting hurt as much can't walk better than taking the training. 
>>> While I was taking the training, I thought that getting hurt to the point that I can't walk will be better than taking the rest of the training. 

So When I ran on a mountain in summer, I thought that hundred times. 
>>> So when I ran on a mountain in summer, I have thought that for hundred times but I couldn't.

But I couldn't. After putting down all of my mind, I was easy. 
>>> After focusing all of my minds, it became easy. 

Those days, I had slept with dreams that it was drinking beer, having a meal my mom served every days.
>>> Those days, I had slept with dreams that I was drinking beer or I was having a meal that my mom used to serve every day.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
105622 writing check up_Please feel free to correct sentences ¾È*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-15 2
105621 writing check up ¾È*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-15 1
105620 Monday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-02-15 785
105619 Do you agree that tattoo is modern art? ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-14 631
105618 What are the benefits of collecting? ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-14 660
105617 Homework0214 ±è*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-02-14 597
105616 My mom¡¯s best food. ¼±*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-02-14 544
105615 homework ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-14 1
105614 homework ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-14 1
105613 Enough money ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-14 3
105612 Being addicted to sports Á¤*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-14 517
105611 Comparing the works Á¤*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-14 540
105610 Is it important to be punctual on your first date? º¯*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-14 621
105609 Homework ÀÌ*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2021-02-13 5
105608 What is one famouse art work that you are familiar with and how... Á¤*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-02-13 634
105607 HOMEWORK FOR 02.10 Á¤*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-13 568
105606 Hi Elise! ÇÑ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-13 502
105605 What do you plan on doing this Valentine\'s Day? ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-12 570
105604 Do you buy products because of advertising? ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-12 608
105603 Have you ever changed your appearance a lot in a short time? Á¤*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-11 458

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04