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영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

Do you help your children achieve their goals or you let them do their goals by themselves?

작성자: 정*원
2021-02-17 829

회원님의 영작문

There are many opinions about nurturing children successfully. In contemporary society, it is getting competitive more and more. This phenomena brought about early educating children seriously. I am a mother who have two children. I believe that the most difficult thing for children is finding their goals. It is true. Some adults don't know what exactly they want to do. Therefore, children need ability to think about themselves and find their own purpose of their lives. I won't help my kids reach to their dream directly, but I will give them various opportunities which they can learn many things and I will provide a stable environment.
Then I will watch them do their goals by themselves.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi there Young Won!

If we love our children, we will not give them what they want but teach them to get what they want. I agree with your ways of letting your children achieve their goals. Sometimes we can cross the line and start deciding or creating goals for them but then we know that they will have to create their own paths to live their lives.

With these, it proves that our parents also taught us well to achieve our goals and we pass them on to our children as they will to their future children.

Thank you for a very well written work!

See you soon.

-T. Donna =)

There are many opinions about nurturing children successfully.
>> Correct!

 In contemporary society, it is getting competitive more and more. 
>> Correct!
Or:  In contemporary society, it is getting more and more competitive.

This phenomena brought about early educating children seriously. 
>> This phenomena brought about by educating children early is getting serious. 

I am a mother who have two children. 
>> Correct!

I believe that the most difficult thing for children is finding their goals. It is true. 
>> Correct!

Some adults don't know what exactly they want to do.
>> Correct! 

Therefore, children need ability to think about themselves and find their own purpose of their lives. \
>> Therefore, children need the ability to think about themselves and find their own purpose in their lives. 

I won't help my kids reach to their dream directly, but I will give them various opportunities which they can learn many things and I will provide a stable environment.
>> I won't help my kids reach their dreams directly but I will give them various opportunities which they can learn many things and I will provide a stable environment.

Then I will watch them do their goals by themselves.
>> Correct!
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