¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Breaking a bad vice

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*ȯ
2021-02-18 1052

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

These days, playing video game is normal. But, when I was middle school student, playing games at amusement arcade was banned. I didn't know why. Maybe those days many people had though, video games give bad effects to students. I used to love playing games.
After school, I usually went to an amusement arcade. I couldn't stop to play games. But, I had known that, I must stop to go to an amusement arcade. One day, I decided not to meet friends who went to an amusement arcade with me. I made a declaration.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Il Hwan,

  Thank you for taking time to answer this question. It only proves that you really wanted to improve in your English skill. Please do check and take note of the corrections for your improvement. I hope it helped you. 

Keep up the good work!

Sincerely,
Teacher Annie (^^)


These days, playing video game is normal. 
>>> These days, playing video games is normal. 

But, when I was middle school student, playing games at amusement arcade was banned. 
>>> But, when I was a middle school student, playing games at an amusement arcade was banned.

I didn't know why. Maybe those days many people had though, video games give bad effects to students. 
>>> I didn't know why. Maybe those days many people had thought that playing video games give bad effects on students. 

I used to love playing games.
>>> CORRECT 

After school, I usually went to an amusement arcade. I couldn't stop to play games. 
>>> After school, I usually went to an amusement arcade. I couldn't stop playing games. 

But, I had known that, I must stop to go to an amusement arcade. 
>>> But, I knew that I must stop going to an amusement arcade. 

One day, I decided not to meet friends who went to an amusement arcade with me. I made a declaration.
>>> One day, I decided not to meet my friends who used to go with me to an amusement arcade. I made a declaration./ I made a decision. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
106508 mythical creature ÃÖ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-03-12 4537
106507 HOMEWORK °­*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-12 5719
106506 Homework °­*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-12 3944
106505 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-12 0
106504 Homework0312 ±è*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-03-12 4611
106503 My favorite toys was clays. ±è*¶û ¿Ï·á 2021-03-12 5543
106502 What would you like to see when you visit a park? ¼Û*·É ¿Ï·á 2021-03-12 4241
106501 Do we need to be honest all the time? Why or why not? ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-03-12 2
106500 What holiday in another countries do you wish to also be... ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-03-12 4136
106499 My day. ¾È*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-12 3
106498 Physical appearance ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-12 4262
106497 Why is English fluency significant for you? Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-12 4675
106496 2021.03.12 Á¤*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-12 3606
106495 HOMEWORK ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-12 3800
106494 Friday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-03-12 4546
106493 Write about your ideal spring vacation ¿À*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-12 5872
106492 The importance of salary in choosing a job °­*±¸ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-12 4972
106491 At least 97 women killed by husbands, boyfirends last year À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-03-12 0
106490 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-12 1
106489 Describe a risk you have taken which had a positive result ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-03-12 4580

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04