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영작교정 게시판

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Whether or not a person achieves their aims in life is mostly related to luck. To what extent do you

작성자: 황*하
2021-02-23 863

회원님의 영작문

What if we are born in rich family, what if we are talented at specific area, what if our family members are well-known in the society?
I think that these factors are deeply related to people's success. In democratic country, the equality of chance is important issue and many politicians argue that they will promise to provide same chances to citizens but when we face the results, rich people always get more chance or get good results because mostly they receive better education, live in better environment and keep their health very well. I don't mean that trials are not important but there are many unfair things from the beginning. Luck can have a effect on people's trials but I think luck definitely come to the people who put a lot of efforts and are prepared well to do something. I feel sad because many people buy lottery every week and wish winning it. They just want to get luck without any efforts. I hope every single put they efforts on their field and then they will get good

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Good morning MR. HWANG~! ^^ Thanks for doing your homework! ^^Tuesday is a good day to reflect on the types of thoughts you are feeding your mind each day! Have a good one~! See you! 
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
What if we are born in rich family, what if we are talented at specific area, what if our family members are well-known in the society?
>>> What if we were born in a rich family, what if we are talented at specific areas, what if our family members are well-known in the society?
I think that these factors are deeply related to people's success. 
>>> I think these factors are deeply related to people's success. 
In democratic country, the equality of chance is important issue and many politicians argue that they will promise to provide same chances to citizens but when we face the results, rich people always get more chance or get good results because mostly they receive better education, live in better environment and keep their health very well. 
>>> In democratic countries, equality is an important issue and many politicians argue that they will promise to provide the same chances to citizens but the truth is, rich people always get more chances or get good results because most of the time they receive better education, they live in better environment and keep their health very well. 
I don't mean that trials are not important but there are many unfair things from the beginning.
>>> CORRECT
 Luck can have a effect on people's trials but I think luck definitely come to the people who put a lot of efforts and are prepared well to do something. 
>>>  Luck can have an effect on people's trials but I think luck definitely comes to the people who put a lot of efforts and are prepared well to do something. 
I feel sad because many people buy lottery every week and wish winning it.
>>> I feel sad because many people buy lottery every week and wish they could win.
 They just want to get luck without any efforts.
>>> CORRECT
 I hope every single put they efforts on their field and then they will get good
>>>  I hope every individual will put their efforts on their field and then they will get good...
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