¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Space exploration is much too expensive and the money should be spent on more important things.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Á¤*¿ø
2021-03-02 3671

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Some people say space exploration is much too expensive and they want to spend money on more important things. Space is unknown world although people have studied for a long time. We don't know how many possibilities are in space but we discovered that there is hope for human.
The earth has been run out its resources for a long time. Besides, human have destroyed earth steadily such as deforestation, ozone despoil, global warming, pollution, and diseases and so on. If these phenomena are going on, human will be in danger to exist.
In that sense, scientists have been interested in space and studied for a long period which is to find a new planet where human can live. Space is totally different kind of dimension. We can't sure anything what human needs to survive especially watery past and air for breathing. It is the reason that space exploration is dangerous and costs much money. However, I strongly believe this is indispensible work not only for curiosity but also for human being.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Young Won!

Wow! This is a well done IELTS answer to start with. I am glad that you were able to comply with this written task so you can get the hang of it.

I think that you did an excellent job!

See you tomorrow.

-T. Donna =)

Some people say space exploration is much too expensive and they want to spend money on more important things. 
>> Correct!

Space is unknown world although people have studied for a long time. 
>> Space is an unknown world although people have studied it for a long time. 

We don't know how many possibilities are in space but we discovered that there is hope for human.
>> Correct!

The earth has been run out its resources for a long time. Besides, human have destroyed earth steadily such as deforestation, ozone despoil, global warming, pollution, and diseases and so on. If these phenomena are going on, human will be in danger to exist.
>> The earth has been run out of its resources for a long time. Besides, humans have destroyed earth steadily such as deforestation, ozone despoil, global warming, pollution, diseases and so on. If these phenomena go on, humans will be in danger of existence.

In that sense, scientists have been interested in space and studied for a long period which is to find a new planet where human can live. 
>> Correct!
Or: In that sense, scientists have been interested in space and studied it for a long period which is to find a new planet where human beings can live. 

Space is totally different kind of dimension. We can't sure anything what human needs to survive especially watery past and air for breathing. 
>> Space is a totally different kind of dimension. We can't be sure of anything on what humans need to survive especially on a watery past and air for breathing. 

It is the reason that space exploration is dangerous and costs much money. However, I strongly believe this is indispensible work not only for curiosity but also for human being.
>> Correct!
Or: It is for these reasons that space exploration is dangerous and costs much money. However, I strongly believe this is indispensable work not only for curiosity but also for human beings.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
105727 Their emotions. ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-17 1
105726 Do you agree that humans are ruled by their emotions? Why or why... ¿À*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-17 918
105725 Youtubers earned $28,541 on average in 2019 À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-02-17 0
105724 Do you enjoy meeting new people? What do you like most or least... ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-17 1
105723 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-17 1
105722 homework ÀÌ*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-17 1007
105721 Why is English fluency significant for you? ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-17 1
105720 homework ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-17 641
105719 02.17 when you meet a person, what do you think~? È«*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2021-02-17 5
105718 Why is English fluency significant for you? ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-02-17 1
105717 homework ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-17 1
105716 homework ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-17 2
105715 homework ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-17 1
105714 English Homework 28 ÃÖ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-02-17 1020
105713 Homework º¯*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-17 5
105712 Homework ÀÓ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-02-17 945
105711 Composition º¯*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-17 1
105710 Homework ÀÓ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-02-17 935
105709 What I want to add in my ideal fitness program ½É*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-16 1
105708 The biggest problem that I have overcome. ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-16 1246

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04