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영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is point

작성자: 황*하
2021-03-02 3592

회원님의 영작문

Our ancestors used to use stones or bronze for various purpose such as cut meats or killing it but we don't use it anymore for same goals. If something new invented, new skills or things will be implemented in our life after several trial and error. Many people have lost their jobs during industrial revolution which machines has been installed. It looked disaster for the world but another new jobs created and we have been living in the better environment because of developments. We also have tried to keep traditional skills, building and way of life, for example, HanOk, traditional house in Korea, people who are talented in specific field even though machines can do it. There are a lot of mysterious architectures in the world and we still didn't know how our ancestors built it. I think we have many things to learn from the past. We have to look over everything in the past and take things that might be helpful for us and we need to find out something which has to throw away.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi there Mr. Hwang! ^^ Thank you for doing your homework smartly! Continue to improve your writing skills and keep going with your ideas! Have a nice day!
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
Our ancestors used to use stones or bronze for various purpose such as cut meats or killing it but we don't use it anymore for same goals. 
>>> Our ancestors used to use stones or bronze for various purposes such as cut to cut meat or to kill animals but we don't use them anymore for the same reasons. 
If something new invented, new skills or things will be implemented in our life after several trial and error. 
>>> If something new is invented, new skills or things will be implemented in our life after several trials and errors. 
Many people have lost their jobs during industrial revolution which machines has been installed. 
>>> Many people have lost their jobs during industrial revolution when machines had been installed. 
It looked disaster for the world but another new jobs created and we have been living in the better environment because of developments.
>>> It may seem a disaster for the world but another new jobs created and we have been living in a better environment because of developments.
 We also have tried to keep traditional skills, building and way of life, for example, HanOk, traditional house in Korea, people who are talented in specific field even though machines can do it.
>>> CORRECT
 There are a lot of mysterious architectures in the world and we still didn't know how our ancestors built it.
>>>  There are a lot of mysterious architectures in the world and we still didn't know how our ancestors built them.
 I think we have many things to learn from the past. 
>>> CORRECT
We have to look over everything in the past and take things that might be helpful for us and we need to find out something which has to throw away.
>>> We have to look over everything in the past and take things that might be helpful for us and we need to find out something which is to be thrown away.


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