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영작교정 게시판

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자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
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담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

Growing kids need love, and protect.

작성자: 김*랑
2021-03-02 3282

회원님의 영작문

Growing kids need(like me) love, and protect, because they are not a abult, so they will be a adult include in social life. Love is very important. For example, this incident was began when I was middle school first grade. In October 2020, a parent was put in jail. They said they have been constantly abusing children by pretending to adopt and raise an orphan named Jeongin. They said they did a preliminary investigation, but they did not do much in the past, and they hit Jeongin for not eating and hit him again and again that he was noisy when he cried. What's more shocking is that the child abuse opponent is a baby who has just begun to walk only 18months. According to the investigation, they adopted a daughter even though they had a daughter to enjoy the profit they received when they adopted. This incident say growing kids need love, and protect. Ah!!I forgot this, this incident was shown at news, and this baby Jeongin is dead, because of this parents...

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Nice to see you here again Maria!

Love is the most important thing that children need from their parents. Without it, they will not eat well, have a proper shelter, have good education, among others.

I am absolutely sure that your parents love you very much and you do too to them.

Thanks for this story and answer.

See you in class in an hour.

-T. Donna =)

Growing kids need(like me) love, and protect, because they are not a abult, so they will be a adult include in social life. 
>> Growing kids (like me) need love and protection because they are not adults, so when they will be adults they will be included in social life. 

Love is very important. For example, this incident was began when I was middle school first grade. 
>> Love is very important. For example, this incident began when I was in middle school on first grade. 

In October 2020, a parent was put in jail. They said they have been constantly abusing children by pretending to adopt and raise an orphan named Jeongin. 
>> Correct!

They said they did a preliminary investigation, but they did not do much in the past, and they hit Jeongin for not eating and hit him again and again that he was noisy when he cried. 
>> They said they did a preliminary investigation, but they did not do much in the past, and they hit Jeongin for not eating and hit him again and again when he was noisy when he cried. 

What's more shocking is that the child abuse opponent is a baby who has just begun to walk only 18months. According to the investigation, they adopted a daughter even though they had a daughter to enjoy the profit they received when they adopted. 
>> What's more shocking is that the child abuser had the baby who has just begun to walk only at 18 months. According to the investigation, they adopted a daughter even though they had a daughter to enjoy the profit they received when they adopted. 

This incident say growing kids need love, and protect. Ah!!I forgot this, this incident was shown at news, and this baby Jeongin is dead, because of this parents...
>> This incident tells us about growing kids that need love, and protection. Ah! I forgot that this incident was shown on news, and this baby Jeongin is dead, because of this parents.
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