¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Vacation

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*ȯ
2021-03-04 5681

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

My father's generation people thought that to go vacation after retirement. It shows generation gap. When my father was young. Korea was developed rapidly. So, they could do lots of things at lease they have a job. Example, buying a house, a car etc. That time, work Environment was bad, many people were death at work site. But, they had willingness that do work hard for their children. They didn't want to spend time for going vacation. Now. the world was changed. Young people want to go on a vacation instead of working.
Many young people want to be a rich who has a building and doesn't have a job.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Kim Il Hwan,

  Thank you for taking time to answer this question. It only proves that you really wanted to improve in your English skill. Please do check and take note of the corrections for your improvement. I hope it helped you. 

Keep up the good work!

Sincerely,
Teacher Annie (^^)



Vacation

My father's generation people thought that to go vacation after retirement. 
>>> In my father's generation, people thought that you can go on a vacation after retirement. 

It shows generation gap. When my father was young. Korea was developed rapidly. 
>>> It shows the generation gap. When my father was young Korea was developing rapidly. 

So, they could do lots of things at lease they have a job.
>>> So, they could do lots of things as long as they have a job. 

Example, buying a house, a car etc. That time, work Environment was bad, many people were death at work site. 
>>> For example, buying a house, a car, etc. At that time, the work environment was bad, many people died at their workplace. 

But, they had willingness that do work hard for their children. 
>>> But, they had the willingness to work hard for their children.

They didn't want to spend time for going vacation. Now. the world was changed. 
>>> They didn't want to spend time going on vacation. Now, the world has changed. 

Young people want to go on a vacation instead of working.
>>> CORRECT

Many young people want to be a rich who has a building and doesn't have a job.
>>> Many young people want to be rich who own a building and don't need to work.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
106442 How can traveling be educational? ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-03-11 5027
106441 Where is best for you to stay over? ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-11 6371
106440 2 nurses test positive for COVID-19 after Pfizer vaccine shots À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-03-11 1
106439 What problems have you encountered in using the English... ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-11 4013
106438 What was the first thing you bought after you got your very... ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-11 4193
106437 Homework ±Ý*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-03-11 2
106436 How do you like to relax after a tiring day at work? ½Å*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-03-11 1
106435 What I focused to cultivate now. ±è*¿Â ¿Ï·á 2021-03-11 4773
106434 homework ÀÌ*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-11 4454
106433 introduction myself ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-11 3490
106432 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-11 1
106431 What hobbies do men prefer? Which hobbies do women especially... ±è*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-11 5017
106430 Homework ¾ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-03-10 1
106429 Homework ¾ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-03-10 1
106428 What are the benefits of having long-term friendships? °­*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-10 5039
106427 People can\'t live only by bread. ÀÌ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-10 4976
106426 Homework (238) ¹Ú*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-10 3915
106425 Do we need to be honest all the time? ±è*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-03-10 5193
106424 Hm Àå*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-10 4399
106423 What\'s the best pet for kids these days? Ȳ*Á¶ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-10 4688

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04