¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Vacation

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*ȯ
2021-03-04 5656

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

My father's generation people thought that to go vacation after retirement. It shows generation gap. When my father was young. Korea was developed rapidly. So, they could do lots of things at lease they have a job. Example, buying a house, a car etc. That time, work Environment was bad, many people were death at work site. But, they had willingness that do work hard for their children. They didn't want to spend time for going vacation. Now. the world was changed. Young people want to go on a vacation instead of working.
Many young people want to be a rich who has a building and doesn't have a job.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Kim Il Hwan,

  Thank you for taking time to answer this question. It only proves that you really wanted to improve in your English skill. Please do check and take note of the corrections for your improvement. I hope it helped you. 

Keep up the good work!

Sincerely,
Teacher Annie (^^)



Vacation

My father's generation people thought that to go vacation after retirement. 
>>> In my father's generation, people thought that you can go on a vacation after retirement. 

It shows generation gap. When my father was young. Korea was developed rapidly. 
>>> It shows the generation gap. When my father was young Korea was developing rapidly. 

So, they could do lots of things at lease they have a job.
>>> So, they could do lots of things as long as they have a job. 

Example, buying a house, a car etc. That time, work Environment was bad, many people were death at work site. 
>>> For example, buying a house, a car, etc. At that time, the work environment was bad, many people died at their workplace. 

But, they had willingness that do work hard for their children. 
>>> But, they had the willingness to work hard for their children.

They didn't want to spend time for going vacation. Now. the world was changed. 
>>> They didn't want to spend time going on vacation. Now, the world has changed. 

Young people want to go on a vacation instead of working.
>>> CORRECT

Many young people want to be a rich who has a building and doesn't have a job.
>>> Many young people want to be rich who own a building and don't need to work.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
106212 Hi º¯*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-04 4346
106211 Could you check my writing? Á¤*ö ¿Ï·á 2021-03-04 4074
106210 homework ÀÌ*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-04 4918
106209 What is the most important characteristic to have when working... ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-04 4251
106208 What makes a city great to live in? Are cities good for the... È«*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2021-03-04 1
106207 What are the advantages and disadvantages of using social media... ¹Ú*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-04 4593
106206 What are you thoughts about having face to face classes even if... Çã*´Ã ¿Ï·á 2021-03-04 4
106205 What are the comedy movies you have seen? ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-04 5231
106204 The graph below shows tourism statistics among Venezuelian... Á¤*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-03-04 3632
106203 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-04 2
106202 If you went to school again, what would you do differently? ±è*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-04 4661
106201 Face to face class ¼³*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-04 3987
106200 check please ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-03-04 4460
106199 HOMEWORK FOR 03.03 Á¤*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-03 4107
106198 Homework ÀÌ*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2021-03-03 5
106197 What do you like about cats? ±è*¿¹ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-03 0
106196 Homework (233) ¹Ú*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-03 3621
106195 [03/03]Homework ¹Ú*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2021-03-03 3
106194 How can we be more confident in looks? ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-03 1
106193 How dangerous or safe are amusement park rides or attractions? Ȳ*Á¶ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-03 4118

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04