¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Vacation

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*ȯ
2021-03-04 5721

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

My father's generation people thought that to go vacation after retirement. It shows generation gap. When my father was young. Korea was developed rapidly. So, they could do lots of things at lease they have a job. Example, buying a house, a car etc. That time, work Environment was bad, many people were death at work site. But, they had willingness that do work hard for their children. They didn't want to spend time for going vacation. Now. the world was changed. Young people want to go on a vacation instead of working.
Many young people want to be a rich who has a building and doesn't have a job.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Kim Il Hwan,

  Thank you for taking time to answer this question. It only proves that you really wanted to improve in your English skill. Please do check and take note of the corrections for your improvement. I hope it helped you. 

Keep up the good work!

Sincerely,
Teacher Annie (^^)



Vacation

My father's generation people thought that to go vacation after retirement. 
>>> In my father's generation, people thought that you can go on a vacation after retirement. 

It shows generation gap. When my father was young. Korea was developed rapidly. 
>>> It shows the generation gap. When my father was young Korea was developing rapidly. 

So, they could do lots of things at lease they have a job.
>>> So, they could do lots of things as long as they have a job. 

Example, buying a house, a car etc. That time, work Environment was bad, many people were death at work site. 
>>> For example, buying a house, a car, etc. At that time, the work environment was bad, many people died at their workplace. 

But, they had willingness that do work hard for their children. 
>>> But, they had the willingness to work hard for their children.

They didn't want to spend time for going vacation. Now. the world was changed. 
>>> They didn't want to spend time going on vacation. Now, the world has changed. 

Young people want to go on a vacation instead of working.
>>> CORRECT

Many young people want to be a rich who has a building and doesn't have a job.
>>> Many young people want to be rich who own a building and don't need to work.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
105718 Why is English fluency significant for you? ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-02-17 1
105717 homework ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-17 1
105716 homework ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-17 2
105715 homework ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-17 1
105714 English Homework 28 ÃÖ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-02-17 1022
105713 Homework º¯*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-17 5
105712 Homework ÀÓ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-02-17 948
105711 Composition º¯*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-17 1
105710 Homework ÀÓ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-02-17 935
105709 What I want to add in my ideal fitness program ½É*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-16 1
105708 The biggest problem that I have overcome. ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-16 1251
105707 COMPOSITION º¯*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-16 3
105706 [2/15]/Homework ¹Ú*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2021-02-16 1
105705 Composition º¯*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-16 1
105704 The things I expect for this new year ±è*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-02-16 837
105703 What do you get from watching movies/dramas? ±è*¿¹ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-16 0
105702 Do you agree that video games should be prohibited to teenagers? ±è*¿¹ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-16 0
105701 Homework (224) ¹Ú*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-16 867
105700 Noun FRUIT and adjective FRUTY ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-02-16 808
105699 What makes someone beautiful? Á¶*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-02-16 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04