¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Vacation

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*ȯ
2021-03-04 5741

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

My father's generation people thought that to go vacation after retirement. It shows generation gap. When my father was young. Korea was developed rapidly. So, they could do lots of things at lease they have a job. Example, buying a house, a car etc. That time, work Environment was bad, many people were death at work site. But, they had willingness that do work hard for their children. They didn't want to spend time for going vacation. Now. the world was changed. Young people want to go on a vacation instead of working.
Many young people want to be a rich who has a building and doesn't have a job.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Kim Il Hwan,

  Thank you for taking time to answer this question. It only proves that you really wanted to improve in your English skill. Please do check and take note of the corrections for your improvement. I hope it helped you. 

Keep up the good work!

Sincerely,
Teacher Annie (^^)



Vacation

My father's generation people thought that to go vacation after retirement. 
>>> In my father's generation, people thought that you can go on a vacation after retirement. 

It shows generation gap. When my father was young. Korea was developed rapidly. 
>>> It shows the generation gap. When my father was young Korea was developing rapidly. 

So, they could do lots of things at lease they have a job.
>>> So, they could do lots of things as long as they have a job. 

Example, buying a house, a car etc. That time, work Environment was bad, many people were death at work site. 
>>> For example, buying a house, a car, etc. At that time, the work environment was bad, many people died at their workplace. 

But, they had willingness that do work hard for their children. 
>>> But, they had the willingness to work hard for their children.

They didn't want to spend time for going vacation. Now. the world was changed. 
>>> They didn't want to spend time going on vacation. Now, the world has changed. 

Young people want to go on a vacation instead of working.
>>> CORRECT

Many young people want to be a rich who has a building and doesn't have a job.
>>> Many young people want to be rich who own a building and don't need to work.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
105431 What do I think about dutch treat ½É*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-05 3
105430 homework ÀÌ*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-05 535
105429 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-05 1
105428 What would you like to achieve in your life? ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-05 418
105427 What would you do if you noticed a crime being committed? ±Ç*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-02-05 525
105426 weather and my news ¹Ú*¸í ¿Ï·á 2021-02-05 488
105425 What are some of the best jobs you can think of? Ȳ*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-05 491
105424 English Homework 24 ÃÖ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-02-05 378
105423 homework ±è*ºñ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-05 462
105422 Do you like arts? Á¤*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-02-05 527
105421 job ÃÖ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-04 1
105420 Have you ever been to a really disgusting hotel? ¼­*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-04 423
105419 The biggest change of Korean families. ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-04 573
105418 HOMEWORK FOR 02.04 Á¤*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-04 527
105417 What should I do when I notice a crime ±è*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-02-04 432
105416 Do children learn bad habits at school or at home? ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-04 438
105415 If you could change one thing in the world, what would it be? ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-04 2401
105414 When I feel demotivated ±è*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-02-04 410
105413 Homework (218) ¹Ú*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-04 484
105412 What type of music do you most like to listen to? À¯*¸° ¿Ï·á 2021-02-04 468

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04