¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Activities on a vacation.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*ȯ
2021-03-07 5424

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I have a fear of heights. I never stand on edge of height place. When I was a high school student. I went to an amusement park for picnic. After riding a ride, I freaked out. I couldn't open my eyes while I was riding the ride. And, I was a member of special force, when I did military service. At that time I had to jump from a helicopter with a rope. The helicopter was flying. It was more difficult than I was hit by a person who was upper level than me. When I go no a vacation. I never do that kind of activities. I never spend money for resisting my fear.One of my friend suggested me a sky diving. I said "I don't understand that why people spend money to enjoy pain. If I have money enough to do sky diving, I would donate the money for poor people."

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Kim Il Hwan,

  Thank you for taking time to answer this question. It only proves that you really wanted to improve in your English skill. Please do check and take note of the corrections for your improvement. I hope it helped you. 

Keep up the good work!

Sincerely,
Teacher Annie (^^)



Activities on a Vacation

I have a fear of heights. 
>>> I have fear of heights.

I never stand on edge of height place. 
>>>  I never stand on the edge of a high place. 

When I was a high school student. I went to an amusement park for picnic. 
>>> When I was a high school student I went to an amusement park for a picnic. 

After riding a ride, I freaked out. 
>>> CORRECT 

I couldn't open my eyes while I was riding the ride. 
>>> CORRECT 

And, I was a member of special force, when I did military service.
>>> And, I was a member of the special force when I did military service. 

 At that time I had to jump from a helicopter with a rope. The helicopter was flying. 
>>> At that time I had to jump from a helicopter with a rope while the helicopter was flying. 

It was more difficult than I was hit by a person who was upper level than me. 
>>> It was more difficult when I was hit by a person who was on the upper level than me. 

When I go no a vacation. I never do that kind of activities. I never spend money for resisting my fear.
>>> When I go on a vacation I never do that kind of activity. I never spend money to overcome my fear.

One of my friend suggested me a sky diving. I said "I don't understand that why people spend money to enjoy pain. 
>>> One of my friends suggested me to try sky diving. I said "I don't understand why people spend money to enjoy pain.

If I have money enough to do sky diving, I would donate the money for poor people."
>>>  If I have enough money to do sky diving, I would rather donate the money to the poor people."
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
107534 What do you think of when you hear the word ¡®movie¡¯? ±è*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-15 806
107533 Do you think people don\'t read enough books these days? ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-15 700
107532 Homework ¾ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-04-15 0
107531 To Gina ÇÑ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-15 3
107530 Do you believe that \"we are what we eat?\" And why? ±è*ä ¿Ï·á 2021-04-15 1
107529 Task ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-15 674
107528 Mask mandate for all indoor spaces touches off controversy À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-04-14 2
107527 Homework (262) ¹Ú*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-14 809
107526 Homework °­*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-04-14 794
107525 homework ±è*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2021-04-14 2
107524 Stay where I live now ¾È*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-14 1
107523 What musical instruments are unique to your country or culture? Ȳ*Á¶ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-14 690
107522 [04/13]Homework ¹Ú*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2021-04-14 1
107521 My expectation ÁÖ*³ª ¿Ï·á 2021-04-14 2
107520 Rude people ÀÌ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-14 947
107519 homework ±è*ºñ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-14 0
107518 How do you see yourself in five years? À¯*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-14 1
107517 grammar ¼Õ*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-04-14 772
107516 What is /are your greatest professional weakness (es)? À¯*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-14 1
107515 [04/12]Homework ¹Ú*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2021-04-14 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04