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영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
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담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

Activities on a vacation.

작성자: 김*환
2021-03-07 5406

회원님의 영작문

I have a fear of heights. I never stand on edge of height place. When I was a high school student. I went to an amusement park for picnic. After riding a ride, I freaked out. I couldn't open my eyes while I was riding the ride. And, I was a member of special force, when I did military service. At that time I had to jump from a helicopter with a rope. The helicopter was flying. It was more difficult than I was hit by a person who was upper level than me. When I go no a vacation. I never do that kind of activities. I never spend money for resisting my fear.One of my friend suggested me a sky diving. I said "I don't understand that why people spend money to enjoy pain. If I have money enough to do sky diving, I would donate the money for poor people."

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hello Kim Il Hwan,

  Thank you for taking time to answer this question. It only proves that you really wanted to improve in your English skill. Please do check and take note of the corrections for your improvement. I hope it helped you. 

Keep up the good work!

Sincerely,
Teacher Annie (^^)



Activities on a Vacation

I have a fear of heights. 
>>> I have fear of heights.

I never stand on edge of height place. 
>>>  I never stand on the edge of a high place. 

When I was a high school student. I went to an amusement park for picnic. 
>>> When I was a high school student I went to an amusement park for a picnic. 

After riding a ride, I freaked out. 
>>> CORRECT 

I couldn't open my eyes while I was riding the ride. 
>>> CORRECT 

And, I was a member of special force, when I did military service.
>>> And, I was a member of the special force when I did military service. 

 At that time I had to jump from a helicopter with a rope. The helicopter was flying. 
>>> At that time I had to jump from a helicopter with a rope while the helicopter was flying. 

It was more difficult than I was hit by a person who was upper level than me. 
>>> It was more difficult when I was hit by a person who was on the upper level than me. 

When I go no a vacation. I never do that kind of activities. I never spend money for resisting my fear.
>>> When I go on a vacation I never do that kind of activity. I never spend money to overcome my fear.

One of my friend suggested me a sky diving. I said "I don't understand that why people spend money to enjoy pain. 
>>> One of my friends suggested me to try sky diving. I said "I don't understand why people spend money to enjoy pain.

If I have money enough to do sky diving, I would donate the money for poor people."
>>>  If I have enough money to do sky diving, I would rather donate the money to the poor people."
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