¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Activities on a vacation.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*ȯ
2021-03-07 5333

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I have a fear of heights. I never stand on edge of height place. When I was a high school student. I went to an amusement park for picnic. After riding a ride, I freaked out. I couldn't open my eyes while I was riding the ride. And, I was a member of special force, when I did military service. At that time I had to jump from a helicopter with a rope. The helicopter was flying. It was more difficult than I was hit by a person who was upper level than me. When I go no a vacation. I never do that kind of activities. I never spend money for resisting my fear.One of my friend suggested me a sky diving. I said "I don't understand that why people spend money to enjoy pain. If I have money enough to do sky diving, I would donate the money for poor people."

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Kim Il Hwan,

  Thank you for taking time to answer this question. It only proves that you really wanted to improve in your English skill. Please do check and take note of the corrections for your improvement. I hope it helped you. 

Keep up the good work!

Sincerely,
Teacher Annie (^^)



Activities on a Vacation

I have a fear of heights. 
>>> I have fear of heights.

I never stand on edge of height place. 
>>>  I never stand on the edge of a high place. 

When I was a high school student. I went to an amusement park for picnic. 
>>> When I was a high school student I went to an amusement park for a picnic. 

After riding a ride, I freaked out. 
>>> CORRECT 

I couldn't open my eyes while I was riding the ride. 
>>> CORRECT 

And, I was a member of special force, when I did military service.
>>> And, I was a member of the special force when I did military service. 

 At that time I had to jump from a helicopter with a rope. The helicopter was flying. 
>>> At that time I had to jump from a helicopter with a rope while the helicopter was flying. 

It was more difficult than I was hit by a person who was upper level than me. 
>>> It was more difficult when I was hit by a person who was on the upper level than me. 

When I go no a vacation. I never do that kind of activities. I never spend money for resisting my fear.
>>> When I go on a vacation I never do that kind of activity. I never spend money to overcome my fear.

One of my friend suggested me a sky diving. I said "I don't understand that why people spend money to enjoy pain. 
>>> One of my friends suggested me to try sky diving. I said "I don't understand why people spend money to enjoy pain.

If I have money enough to do sky diving, I would donate the money for poor people."
>>>  If I have enough money to do sky diving, I would rather donate the money to the poor people."
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
106518 What is your favorite book? and Why? Á¤*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-03-13 5332
106517 Traveling is educational Á¤*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-13 3
106516 Do you think sites like Facebook are good for friendships or do... È«*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2021-03-13 2
106515 DESCRIBE A PERSON YOU KNOW WHO SHOWS HIS OR HER FEELINGS OPENLY ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-03-13 3876
106514 What accomplishment in life are you so proud of yourself? Is... Á¤*¼º ¿Ï·á 2021-03-13 8210
106513 Homework (240) ¹Ú*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-12 4267
106512 HOMEWORK ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-12 3605
106511 Tom Bodett, an American author, voice actor, and radio hos said:... Ȳ*Á¶ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-12 4979
106510 grammar ¼Õ*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-03-12 4514
106509 Homework ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-03-12 6334
106508 mythical creature ÃÖ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-03-12 4458
106507 HOMEWORK °­*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-12 5683
106506 Homework °­*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-12 3898
106505 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-12 0
106504 Homework0312 ±è*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-03-12 4529
106503 My favorite toys was clays. ±è*¶û ¿Ï·á 2021-03-12 5490
106502 What would you like to see when you visit a park? ¼Û*·É ¿Ï·á 2021-03-12 4183
106501 Do we need to be honest all the time? Why or why not? ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-03-12 2
106500 What holiday in another countries do you wish to also be... ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-03-12 4099
106499 My day. ¾È*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-12 3

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04