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영작교정 게시판

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담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for sport or m

작성자: 정*원
2021-03-08 4265

회원님의 영작문

It is commonly considered that some people are given with certain ability by nature, such as sport or music, and others are not. Otherwise, it is occasionally claimed that some children can be trained to be a great sport player or musician. There are plenty of talented people people in the world. I will discuss about how they got talents.
On the one hand, some people are born with a special ability genetically. For example, Mozart could play a piano when he was only 3 years old. He also could play piano song exactly same with other musician's playing as soon as he heard. He was born with a certain talent. On the other hand, there are a boy who had a disability. He was too weak to play outside because, he had a disease such as asthma innately. For son's health, his parents made him to learn swimming from he when was a little boy. He exercised swimming everyday hardly. Then he could not only breath well but also become a swimming player. We can find this kind of cases which is people

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hello Young Won!

It's a new week!

Thank you for sending this IELTS answer here on the composition site. Here you can see the grammar suggestions/ corrections and the clack part below shows the grouping of ideas so that it will be more logical and organized.

I will see you in class later for a little discussion for this answer. See you then!

-T. Donna =)

It is commonly considered that some people are given with certain ability by nature, such as sport or music, and others are not. 
>> It is commonly considered that some people are given certain abilities by nature such as sports or music, and others are not. 

Otherwise, it is occasionally claimed that some children can be trained to be a great sport player or musician. There are plenty of talented people people in the world. I will discuss about how they got talents.
>> Otherwise, it is occasionally claimed that some children can be trained to be a great sports players or musicians. There are plenty of talented people in the world. I will discuss about how they got talents.

On the one hand, some people are born with a special ability genetically. For example, Mozart could play a piano when he was only 3 years old. 
>> On the one hand, some people are born with special abilities genetically. For example, Mozart could play the piano when he was only 3 years old. 

He also could play piano song exactly same with other musician's playing as soon as he heard. He was born with a certain talent. 
>> He can play a piano song exactly the same with other musicians as soon as he heard it. He was born with the certain talent of music. 

On the other hand, there are a boy who had a disability. He was too weak to play outside because, he had a disease such as asthma innately. 
>> Correct!
>> Or: ...there was a boy...

For son's health, his parents made him to learn swimming from he when was a little boy. He exercised swimming everyday hardly. 
>> For their son's health, his parents made him learn swimming when he was a little boy. He exercised swimming well everyday. 

Then he could not only breath well but also become a swimming player. We can find this kind of cases which is people overcome their disabilities with severe and steady training. 
>> Then he could not only breath well but also become a good swimmer. We can find this kind of case in which people overcome their disabilities with severe/persistent/consistent and steady training. 

However, even if some were born with special ability innately, they wouldn’t become a great musician without a big effort.
>> Correct!

 In conclusion, if people are gifted or not, sincerity and struggling are indispensable to become a good person. Thus, any children can be who they want to be by training if they do their best.
>>  In conclusion, if people are gifted or not, sincerity and struggle are indispensable to become a good skilled or talented person. Thus, children can be who they want to be by training if they do their best.

It is commonly considered that some people are given certain abilities by nature such as sports or music, and others are not.  There are plenty of talented people in the world. I will discuss about how they got talents. 

Some people are born with special abilities genetically. Mozart could play the piano when he was only 3 years old. He can play a piano song exactly the same with other musicians as soon as he heard it. He was born with the certain talent of music. 

On the other hand, t is occasionally claimed that some children can be trained to be a great sports players or musicians.  For example,  is a boy who had a disability. He was too weak to play outside because, he had a disease such as asthma innately. For their son's health, his parents made him learn swimming when he was a little boy. He exercised swimming well everyday. Then he could not only breath well but also become a good swimmer. We can find this kind of case in which people overcome their disabilities with severe/persistent/consistent and steady training. Even if some were born with special ability innately, they wouldn’t become a great musician without a big effort.

In conclusion, if people are gifted or not, sincerity and struggle are indispensable to become a good skilled or talented person. Thus, children can be who they want to be by training if they do their best.

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