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영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

Some believe that more action should be taken to prevent crime, while others feel that crime is bein

작성자: 황*하
2021-03-09 4374

회원님의 영작문

A lot of crime that can't understand with normal spirit happen nowadays. Since ME TOO campaign, people realized that countless sexual harassment have happened around my country, especially high position people have involved many cases. As improving technology, we can share recent news very quickly. We realized that there are a lot of illegal events in my country. People tend to react emotionally so they want court to sentence the highest one such as life in prison. I guess all Koreans think our sentence from a court is too lighter than other countries. Most people believe that if we can punish criminals with high sentence, it will help to prevent crime. But I don't think that is the best way to reduce the crime rate. I think the education help prevent it and all citizen have to have a mature sense of citizenship. If so, our society will be the better places to live without dreadful crimes.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Good morning MR. HWANG! ^^ Success is no accident. It is hard work, perseverance, learning, studying, sacrifice and most of all, love of what you are doing or learning to do.
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
A lot of crime that can't understand with normal spirit happen nowadays. 
>>> There are a lot crimes that are happening these days which are beyond are understanding.
Since ME TOO campaign, people realized that countless sexual harassment have happened around my country, especially high position people have involved many cases. 
>>> Since ME TOO campaign, people realized that countless sexual harassments happened around my country, especially high position people are involved in most cases. 
As improving technology, we can share recent news very quickly. 
>>> As technology improves, we can share some recent news very quickly. 
We realized that there are a lot of illegal events in my country.
>>> CORRECT
 People tend to react emotionally so they want court to sentence the highest one such as life in prison.
>>>  People tend to react emotionally because they want the court to sentence the accused one with lifetime imprisonment.
 I guess all Koreans think our sentence from a court is too lighter than other countries.
>>>  I guess all Koreans think that our justice system is lighter than other countries.
 Most people believe that if we can punish criminals with high sentence, it will help to prevent crime. 
>>>  Most people believe that if we can punish criminals with a higher sentence, it will help to prevent crime. 
But I don't think that is the best way to reduce the crime rate.
>>> CORRECT
 I think the education help prevent it and all citizen have to have a mature sense of citizenship. 
>>> I think, formal education helps prevent crimes and all the citizen have to have a mature sense of citizenship. 
If so, our society will be the better places to live without dreadful crimes.
>>> If so, our society will be better places to live without dreadful crimes.
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첨삭이 가능하며,

올려주신 글의 강사님 첨삭은 24시간 이내에
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03
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