¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Do you think bullying should be made a crime or is it part of growing up?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿­
2021-03-09 4492

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think bullying is absolutely crime. Some children use their strength to bully the weak children. They bully someone just for the fun, It's an indelible wound to someone who gets hurt. In Korea, many famous people are now rumored to committed to school violence. I think school violence should be a crime, So Victims of school violence will disappear.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Steve! I feel the same way. Victims of bullying get hurt no only physically but mentally as well. They should put a stop to this. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon!

I think bullying is absolutely crime. 
>>CORRECT

Some children use their strength to bully the weak children. 
>> CORRECT

They bully someone just for the fun, It's an indelible wound to someone who gets hurt. 
>> They bully other people just for fun. It's causes deep wounds physically and mentally to the victim. 

In Korea, many famous people are now rumored to committed to school violence. 
>> In Korea, many famous people are rumored to do violence in school. 

I think school violence should be a crime, So Victims of school violence will disappear.
>> I think bullying should be a crime so that violence in school would be put into an end. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
106986 Should there be a limit on how many children there should be in... ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-03-28 0
106985 How can the public transportation in your city be improved? ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-03-28 0
106984 Would you like to recommend a cosmetic brand to me? What is it? ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-28 3
106983 Should there be a limit on how many children there should be in... Çã*´Ã ¿Ï·á 2021-03-28 1
106982 How can the public transportation in your city be improved? Çã*´Ã ¿Ï·á 2021-03-28 1
106981 In the past, most people used to travel to their place of work.... Á¤*¼º ¿Ï·á 2021-03-28 3134
106980 Lilac ( IU) ¾È*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-28 6
106979 What do you like to do on the weekend? ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-28 1727
106978 My favorite holiday ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-28 1
106977 White supremacy and hate are haunting Asian Americans À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-03-28 1
106976 By the end of the century, summer weather could last half a year... À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-03-28 1
106975 What would you like to do if you don\'t have any schedule? ¼Û*·É ¿Ï·á 2021-03-28 2696
106974 Study without music(between angel and devil) ¾È*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-27 5
106973 Can you talk about three cities you would like to visit? ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-27 4
106972 Homework ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-03-27 5
106971 Homework (250) ¹Ú*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-26 2869
106970 How important is dancing in your culture? Ȳ*Á¶ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-26 2190
106969 homework ±è*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2021-03-26 1
106968 grammar ¼Õ*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-03-26 3748
106967 From my work Á¤*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-26 2

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04