¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Do you think bullying should be made a crime or is it part of growing up?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿­
2021-03-09 4494

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think bullying is absolutely crime. Some children use their strength to bully the weak children. They bully someone just for the fun, It's an indelible wound to someone who gets hurt. In Korea, many famous people are now rumored to committed to school violence. I think school violence should be a crime, So Victims of school violence will disappear.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Steve! I feel the same way. Victims of bullying get hurt no only physically but mentally as well. They should put a stop to this. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon!

I think bullying is absolutely crime. 
>>CORRECT

Some children use their strength to bully the weak children. 
>> CORRECT

They bully someone just for the fun, It's an indelible wound to someone who gets hurt. 
>> They bully other people just for fun. It's causes deep wounds physically and mentally to the victim. 

In Korea, many famous people are now rumored to committed to school violence. 
>> In Korea, many famous people are rumored to do violence in school. 

I think school violence should be a crime, So Victims of school violence will disappear.
>> I think bullying should be a crime so that violence in school would be put into an end. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
105991 What is something that you would have a hard time giving up and... ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-25 1
105990 English Homework 31 ÃÖ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-02-25 1240
105989 Homework ÀÌ*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2021-02-24 3
105988 If you discovered that someone had been gossiping about you,... ±è*ÇØ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-24 1234
105987 The food makes me feel at home ±è*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-02-24 1481
105986 Write about the worst movie you have seen. Ȳ*Á¶ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-24 1229
105985 What must a company do or have to be successful? ¼­*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-24 1832
105984 Homework (228) ¹Ú*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-24 1285
105983 State of interest #4 Áø*±â ¿Ï·á 2021-02-24 1491
105982 State of interest #3 Áø*±â ¿Ï·á 2021-02-24 1463
105981 State of interest #2 Áø*±â ¿Ï·á 2021-02-24 1823
105980 State of interest #1 Áø*±â ¿Ï·á 2021-02-24 10933
105979 What springs to mind when you hear the term ¡®junk food¡¯? ±è*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-24 1856
105978 [2/23]Homework ¹Ú*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2021-02-24 1
105977 [2/22]Homework ¹Ú*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2021-02-24 1
105976 What food makes you feel at home and why is it special? ÀÌ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-24 1669
105975 What was the best experience you\'ve had at your work? Why? ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-24 1385
105974 Homework ±è*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2021-02-24 1
105973 grammar ¼Õ*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-02-24 1443
105972 Homework °­*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-02-24 1391

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04