¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Do you think bullying should be made a crime or is it part of growing up?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*Á¤
2021-03-09 5074

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

This issue is very sensitive in korea. In the past, Bullying of students had existed but sociaty didn't care of it. So many students think it's just part of growing up. But nowadays, There are a lot of issue about Bullying, such as sports, famous celebrites.
The first start happened in sports. The twins volleyball stars bullied their classmate when they were students. They are punished by volleyball institute. After that, The fact that The famous celebrites did the same thing which twins did revealed by their classmate. They retired all of sudden. I think Bullying should be made a crime and the sociaty is doing now.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Tobby! I feel the same way. Victims of bullying get hurt no only physically but mentally as well. They should put a stop to this. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon!


This issue is very sensitive in korea. 
>>This issue is very sensitive in Korea. 

In the past, Bullying of students had existed but sociaty didn't care of it. 
>> In the past, bullying was prominent and the society didn't really cared about it. 

So many students think it's just part of growing up. 
>> CORRECT

But nowadays, There are a lot of issue about Bullying, such as sports, famous celebrites.
>> But nowadays, there are a lot of issue about bullying in sports and famous celebrities.

The first start happened in sports. 
>> This happened first in sports. 

The twins volleyball stars bullied their classmate when they were students.
>> The twin volleyball stars bullied one of their classmates. 

They are punished by volleyball institute. 
>> They were punished by the volleyball institute. 

After that, The fact that The famous celebrites did the same thing which twins did revealed by their classmate. 
>> After that, other famous celebrities also bullied their classmate. 

They retired all of sudden. 
>> They were kicked out all of a sudden. 

I think Bullying should be made a crime and the sociaty is doing now. 
>> I think bullying should be made a crime. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
106916 Resume ÃÖ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-25 2
106915 What are some good gestures in your country? ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-25 1
106914 What was the most beautiful place that you have ever seen? ¼Û*·É ¿Ï·á 2021-03-25 2038
106913 SMILE ANSWER º¯*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-25 2078
106912 I... ¹®*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-25 2
106911 Tell me about the weirdest advertisement you\'ve seen and why? ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-25 4
106910 What do you think are the advantages and disadvantages of... Çã*´Ã ¿Ï·á 2021-03-25 2
106909 Homework ÀÌ*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-25 3226
106908 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-25 1
106907 Homework Àå*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-25 3
106906 HI~GINA! ±è*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-25 3154
106905 New technologies and ways of buying and selling are transforming... Á¤*¼º ¿Ï·á 2021-03-25 2248
106904 Imagine that you are giving someone advice about how to gain... ±Ç*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-03-25 2324
106903 riwon kim ±è*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-03-24 2710
106902 riwon kim ±è*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-03-24 1950
106901 homework ±è*ºñ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-24 0
106900 I want to learn dogs body language ¾È*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-24 4
106899 Homework ÀÌ*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2021-03-24 4
106898 Favorite question? ÀÌ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-24 2524
106897 Hi teacher~ ±è*È£ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-24 3827

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04