¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

introduction myself

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*ÈÆ
2021-03-11 3442

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®



I wrote my introduction for american law school.
please review,
thank you.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë



Introduce yourself

OR: Introduction of Myself

Brad (1th

>> Brad (!st))

March 4, 2021

  

Hello Brad! Thank you for letting me read your letter. I see your full passion on entertainment and law. Who knows? in the future you might combine law and movie and create your own film in that field. Have a great day.

~Teacher Aki^^

I was born in Incheon but I have lived in Anyang since my family moved to here from Incheon because of my father¡¯s job. 

>> I was born in Incheon but my family and I have to moved in Anyang because of my father's job.

My father had worked as Health and Welfare department official for more than 30 years. 

>> My father works as an official of Health and Welfare Department for more than 30 years.

My mother also has worked various jobs for many years. 

>> And my mother has worked with various jobs for many years.

I respect my parents and I want to live working until I am old like them. 

>> I respect my parents and I want to grow old working like them.

That¡¯s why I have studied law in graduate school and I am dreaming  of becoming an the United States Lawyer. Another reason I want to be a U.S lawyer is that I love to learn English.

>> That's the reason why I studied law in the graduate school and I dream of becoming a United States Lawyer. That is also the reason why I love to learn the English language. 

 My special abilities are acting and making movies. 

>> CORRECT.

OR:  My special abilities include acting and making movies.

I have particpated in several movies, plays and dramas.

>> I had participated in several movies, plays and dramas.

 I also made two movies as director. I have been writing scripts including legal thriller.

>> I also made two movies as a director and had been writing scripts including legal thriller.

 I love many sports. I like to go to the sea for swimming and scuba diving in summer and I like to go skiing in winter. 

>> I love many sports like swimming and scuba diving which I do in Summer and go skiing in Winter.

Also, I enjoy playing billiards with people. 

>> I also enjoy playing billiards with people.

I had served in the Marine for more than 2 years because I am dynamic like that.

>> I had served in the Marine for more than 2 years because I am dynamic with that.

 As stated above, My dream job is a U.S.lawyer. But I am Korean. So if I become a U.S.lawyer, I want to deal with international relations. 

>> As I mentioned above, Being a Korean, my dream job is to become a U.S. lawyer and I want to deal with international relations.

In addition, I want to work for entertainment like movie.

>>  In addition, I want to work in the movie entertainment.

 In order to achieve this dream, I had studied American laws such as Constitution, Contract, Torts, Criminal law, War Crime, Business crime and so on for 2 years in graduate school. 

>> CORRECT.

OR: For me to  achieve this dream, I had studied American laws such as Constitution, Contract, Torts, Criminal law, War Crime, Business crime and so on for 2 years in the graduate school.

Now If I have a chance to study in the Unites States, I ¡¯d like to study laws in American law school.

>> Given the chance of studying in the United States, I would pursue law in an American law school.

 Until now, I appreciate you for reading my letter.

>> For now, I appreciate you for reading my letter.


¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
106538 If something is annoying you, what do you usually do? ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-15 1
106537 Homework ±Ý*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-03-15 2
106536 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-15 1
106535 Travel ¼³*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-15 4396
106534 homework_21.03.11 ÀÌ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-03-15 3
106533 What do you borrow from your friends? ÇÏ*Á¶ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-15 5159
106532 Homework ¾ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-03-15 0
106531 Even if you\'re not interested in festivals, can you think of a... ±Ç*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-03-15 5658
106530 HOMEWORK Á¤*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-14 1
106529 If you are going to save up some money for something, what would... ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-03-14 0
106528 What is the importance of having time with your family? ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-14 4129
106527 3.11 Ȳ*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2021-03-14 3699
106526 Where do you work out? ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-14 4162
106525 Homework ÀÌ*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2021-03-14 6
106524 Pokemon cards ±è*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-14 3938
106523 How can travelling be educational? ±è*¿­ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-14 3973
106522 If you are going to save up some money for something, what would... ¹Ú*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-14 4754
106521 Job ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-14 1
106520 Australia ¾È*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-14 13
106519 Homework ±Ý*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-03-14 2

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04