¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

family time

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¼³*Á¤
2021-03-16 4500

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

As society has become more face-paced, many people cannot spend much more time with their family compared to the past. However, having time with family is important in various reasons. This essay will describe the importance of having time with family.
First, while spending time with family, children can build confidence and also learn a lot of knowledge from their parents. Children could learn the communication methods by experiencing specific skills such as problem solving. It might be the helpful basis before enter the real society.
Second, family time is crucial time that helps to create strong bonds and love. It will make children easier to share their inner voice and worries when going through difficult times.
In conclusion, there are various benefits of having time with family. Parents should try more to spend more time for their children.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Emily! Family time is very important indeed. Not only to children but to adults as well. It can be very beneficial in so many ways. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon!


As society has become more face-paced, many people cannot spend much more time with their family compared to the past. 
>>CORRECT

However, having time with family is important in various reasons. 
>>CORRECT

This essay will describe the importance of having time with family.
>>CORRECT

First, while spending time with family, children can build confidence and also learn a lot of knowledge from their parents. 
>>CORRECT

Children could learn the communication methods by experiencing specific skills such as problem solving. 
>>Children could learn communication methods by experiencing specific skills such as problem solving. 

It might be the helpful basis before enter the real society.
>> It might be the helpful for them before entering the real society. 

Second, family time is crucial time that helps to create strong bonds and love. 
>>>Second, family time is crucial because it helps create strong bonds. 

It will make children easier to share their inner voice and worries when going through difficult times.
>> CORRECT

In conclusion, there are various benefits of having time with family. 
>>In conclusion, there are various benefits in having time with family. 

Parents should try more to spend more time for their children.
>>CORRECT
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
107653 write some sentences about what you said in class: \"Ignorance... ¿À*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-19 751
107652 \"Whereof one cannot speak, thereof one must be silent¡± is a... À¯*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-19 2
107651 What do you love most about your country? Explain your answer. ±è*¿­ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-19 501
107650 Can Àü*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-04-19 580
107649 Homework ÀÌ*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2021-04-19 4
107648 Daily Infections Remain High À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-04-19 1
107647 Actually, It\'s up to the situation. ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-19 763
107646 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-19 2
107645 Do you like traveling with children? ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-19 622
107644 What chores are your responsibility? ±è*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-19 638
107643 How much time do usually spend when talking to someone on the... ÇÏ*Á¶ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-19 803
107642 INTERVIEW Q ±Ç*½Ã ¿Ï·á 2021-04-19 0
107641 House chores ¼±*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-04-19 721
107640 email5 ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-19 0
107639 email3 ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-19 0
107638 email2 ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-19 0
107637 email1 ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-19 0
107636 Homework °­*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-04-18 445
107635 A school field trip in Everland ¾È*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-18 2
107634 Homework °­*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-04-18 855

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04