¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

family time

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¼³*Á¤
2021-03-16 4480

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

As society has become more face-paced, many people cannot spend much more time with their family compared to the past. However, having time with family is important in various reasons. This essay will describe the importance of having time with family.
First, while spending time with family, children can build confidence and also learn a lot of knowledge from their parents. Children could learn the communication methods by experiencing specific skills such as problem solving. It might be the helpful basis before enter the real society.
Second, family time is crucial time that helps to create strong bonds and love. It will make children easier to share their inner voice and worries when going through difficult times.
In conclusion, there are various benefits of having time with family. Parents should try more to spend more time for their children.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Emily! Family time is very important indeed. Not only to children but to adults as well. It can be very beneficial in so many ways. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon!


As society has become more face-paced, many people cannot spend much more time with their family compared to the past. 
>>CORRECT

However, having time with family is important in various reasons. 
>>CORRECT

This essay will describe the importance of having time with family.
>>CORRECT

First, while spending time with family, children can build confidence and also learn a lot of knowledge from their parents. 
>>CORRECT

Children could learn the communication methods by experiencing specific skills such as problem solving. 
>>Children could learn communication methods by experiencing specific skills such as problem solving. 

It might be the helpful basis before enter the real society.
>> It might be the helpful for them before entering the real society. 

Second, family time is crucial time that helps to create strong bonds and love. 
>>>Second, family time is crucial because it helps create strong bonds. 

It will make children easier to share their inner voice and worries when going through difficult times.
>> CORRECT

In conclusion, there are various benefits of having time with family. 
>>In conclusion, there are various benefits in having time with family. 

Parents should try more to spend more time for their children.
>>CORRECT
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
107490 Homework📓 ¹Ú*¸® ¿Ï·á 2021-04-14 649
107489 How is adoption viewed in your country? ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-14 699
107488 What springs to mind when you hear the word ¡®adventure¡¯? ±è*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-14 909
107487 Why don`t you work out? ÇÏ*Á¶ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-14 635
107486 go went gone Àü*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-04-14 853
107485 Is home schooling an effective method of education? Why or why... Çã*´Ã ¿Ï·á 2021-04-14 1
107484 If can be born again, what kind of life would you like to have... Çã*´Ã ¿Ï·á 2021-04-14 1
107483 How do you greet someone you just met? ½Å*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-14 768
107482 One in three people in Congo suffer from acute hunger, warns... À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-04-13 1
107481 Writing Exercise: Do you prefer digital photography or film... ±è*ä ¿Ï·á 2021-04-13 2
107480 Do you think it\'s important to get physical education in... ¹Ú*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-13 760
107479 If I can be born again ±è*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-04-13 807
107478 My toy ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-13 1027
107477 What is the last place would you visit if you could fly? ±è*¿¹ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-13 0
107476 Refund mail ¾È*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-04-13 0
107475 Why is it important to greet someone? Á¤*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-04-13 825
107474 film photography or digital photography? ÀÌ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-13 654
107473 If can be born again, what kind of life would you like to have... ÀÌ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-13 628
107472 homework ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-13 2
107471 homework ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-13 2

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04