¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

family time

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¼³*Á¤
2021-03-16 4428

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

As society has become more face-paced, many people cannot spend much more time with their family compared to the past. However, having time with family is important in various reasons. This essay will describe the importance of having time with family.
First, while spending time with family, children can build confidence and also learn a lot of knowledge from their parents. Children could learn the communication methods by experiencing specific skills such as problem solving. It might be the helpful basis before enter the real society.
Second, family time is crucial time that helps to create strong bonds and love. It will make children easier to share their inner voice and worries when going through difficult times.
In conclusion, there are various benefits of having time with family. Parents should try more to spend more time for their children.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Emily! Family time is very important indeed. Not only to children but to adults as well. It can be very beneficial in so many ways. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon!


As society has become more face-paced, many people cannot spend much more time with their family compared to the past. 
>>CORRECT

However, having time with family is important in various reasons. 
>>CORRECT

This essay will describe the importance of having time with family.
>>CORRECT

First, while spending time with family, children can build confidence and also learn a lot of knowledge from their parents. 
>>CORRECT

Children could learn the communication methods by experiencing specific skills such as problem solving. 
>>Children could learn communication methods by experiencing specific skills such as problem solving. 

It might be the helpful basis before enter the real society.
>> It might be the helpful for them before entering the real society. 

Second, family time is crucial time that helps to create strong bonds and love. 
>>>Second, family time is crucial because it helps create strong bonds. 

It will make children easier to share their inner voice and worries when going through difficult times.
>> CORRECT

In conclusion, there are various benefits of having time with family. 
>>In conclusion, there are various benefits in having time with family. 

Parents should try more to spend more time for their children.
>>CORRECT
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
107012 What could someone do to encourage you when you feel depressed? ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-29 2
107011 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-29 0
107010 Memories Â÷*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-03-29 1688
107009 My opinion of cellphones. ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-29 1
107008 How do we make limitations towards our friends? For example, if... ¹Ú*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-29 1767
107007 Write some sentences about your Spring Season this year. ¿À*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-29 1656
107006 In some societies, more and more people are choosing to live on... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-29 1720
107005 Homework 3.29 Àå*º° ¿Ï·á 2021-03-29 1825
107004 SMILE ANSWER º¯*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-29 1310
107003 I... ¹®*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-29 0
107002 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-29 1
107001 If you could speak any other language (besides English) which... ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-29 2214
107000 The trend is changing. ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-29 2399
106999 photo ½É*¿ë ¿Ï·á 2021-03-29 2012
106998 Homework ÀÌ*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-29 2564
106997 If you could give an advice to the young generation on choosing... ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-03-29 1934
106996 What are the usual consequences of being tardy or absent? ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-03-29 2295
106995 Sorry. I sent it a lot late. º¯*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-29 1748
106994 How do you keep yourself updated? ÇÏ*Á¶ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-29 2690
106993 How do you manage your stress? ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-29 2115

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04