¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What is the importance of having time with your family?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿­
2021-03-16 4115

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

It is important to spend time with family. Because it makes us feel better by talking about that we haven't talked about before. I usually don't have time, so I can't talk to my family well. Instead, my family and I often talk when we go on a family trip together .If i active with my family, watch, and talk while eating, i feel better , As a result, spending enough time with your family seems to be mentally helpful.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Steve! I agree with you. Nothing gives us more comfort than spending time with our family. We usually underestimate it but it's actually a very therapeutical thing to do. :)

Thank you for making an effort in answering your homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon!

It is important to spend time with family. Because it makes us feel better by talking about that we haven't talked about before. 
>> It is important to spend time with family because it comforts us especially by talking about things we haven't talked about before. 

I usually don't have time, so I can't talk to my family well. 
>> I usually don't have spare time, that's why I don't talk with my family that much. 

Instead, my family and I often talk when we go on a family trip together .
>>Instead, my family and I often talk when we go on trips  together .

If i active with my family, watch, and talk while eating, i feel better ,
>> If I'm more active with my family, we usually watch, talk and eat together which makes me feel better. 

As a result, spending enough time with your family seems to be mentally helpful.
>>CORRECT
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
106491 At least 97 women killed by husbands, boyfirends last year À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-03-12 0
106490 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-12 1
106489 Describe a risk you have taken which had a positive result ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-03-12 4513
106488 Why are some sports expensive? Are they for everyone? ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-03-12 4458
106487 My diary ±è*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-12 4780
106486 homework ÀÌ*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-12 5057
106485 Something that I want to change about my house ¼³*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-12 5498
106484 homework ±Ç*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-03-12 4998
106483 Why do people need friends? What can happen if a person has no... È«*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2021-03-11 4
106482 [03/10]Homework ¹Ú*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2021-03-11 1
106481 Homework ÀÌ*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2021-03-11 7
106480 HOMEWORK Á¤*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-11 0
106479 Why do people use SNS? ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-11 4844
106478 [03/09]Homework ¹Ú*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2021-03-11 2
106477 2021.03.11 Á¤*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-11 5530
106476 Homework0311 ±è*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-03-11 4711
106475 The thing I want to change if I can change something in my house ±è*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-03-11 4177
106474 Homework (239) ¹Ú*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-11 4392
106473 I want to have two rooms. Á¤*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-11 2
106472 The history of a country is our existence and foundation. ÀÌ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-11 4292

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04