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작성자: 권*원
2021-03-18 5621

회원님의 영작문

I think Koreans should boost security to preserve a lot of our heritages.
I can’t forget the day until now when sungnyemun gate is destroyed by someone.
Of course, it is restored now but it was made by modern technology, so we can’t find the trace that is made by men of old.
We must not forget the preciousness of old things.
There is the present because of the past.
But many people in the world are gradually forgetting the importance of old things.
The example is a catastrophic fire in Notre Dame Cathedral.
French didn’t protect their heritage on the excuse of a shortage of funds.
In addition to France, many countries aren’t protecting their important heritages, so many of their heritages were destroyed.
Accordingly, in modern society, what needs to us is the mind that cherishes old things.
If we have the mind that think the old things as precious things, we will reinforce the security to protect our heritage from external hazard.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

You did write wonderful points about the question, Cleo! Thank you so much! I hope your country could preserve more heritages. See you! -Faith-
I think Koreans should boost security to preserve a lot of our heritages.
>> I think Koreans should boost the security to preserve a lot of our heritages.
I can’t forget the day until now when sungnyemun gate is destroyed by someone.
>> I can’t forget the day until now when sungnyemun gate was destroyed by someone.
Of course, it is restored now but it was made by modern technology, so we can’t find the trace that is made by men of old.
>> CORRECT
We must not forget the preciousness of old things.
>> CORRECT
OR We should always value the antiques.
There is the present because of the past.
>> There is present because of the past.
But many people in the world are gradually forgetting the importance of old things.
>> CORRECT
OR However, a lot of people are slowly losing interest in ancient artifacts.
The example is a catastrophic fire in Notre Dame Cathedral.
>> CORRECT
French didn’t protect their heritage on the excuse of a shortage of funds.
>> CORRECT
In addition to France, many countries aren’t protecting their important heritages, so many of their heritages were destroyed.
>> In addition, many countries aren’t protecting their important heritages, that's why many of them were destroyed.
Accordingly, in modern society, what needs to us is the mind that cherishes old things.
>> Accordingly, in modern society, what we need is the mind that cherishes old things.
If we have the mind that think the old things as precious things, we will reinforce the security to protect our heritage from external hazard.
>> If we have the mind that thinks the old things as precious ones, we will reinforce the national security to protect our heritages from external hazards.
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