¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Some people prefer hobbies that require technology, whereas others prefer hobbies that do not requir

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Ȳ*ÇÏ
2021-03-18 3383

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Some people prefer to do physical activities as their hobbies, on the other hand many people love to use technology whenever they have free time. I accord with the first view as people are already surrounded by these machines in their daily routine. Enjoying hobbies without the usage of technology has a plenty of benefits. Firstly, people can unwind themselves by doing different activities which help them to stay fit. Second, it help us avoid neurological disease such as dementia and depression. Finally, we can socialize with many people on site whereas socialization online is untact based meeting. Some people can insist to the strongest advantage using technology for hobbies. It definitely help to do some activities like smart watch which analyze the amount of exercise. However, we can do any activities without technologies. These devices can't be essential for our live but It can boast our convenience. In conclusion, I prefer to do work out instead of doing something with techno

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there Mr. HWANG~! ^^ Thanks for the discussion today! Have a great weekend!
>>> TEACHER GEMMA 
Some people prefer to do physical activities as their hobbies, on the other hand many people love to use technology whenever they have free time. 
>>> CORRECT
I accord with the first view as people are already surrounded by these machines in their daily routine. 
>>> CORRECT
Enjoying hobbies without the usage of technology has plenty of benefits. 
>>> CORRECT
Firstly, people can unwind themselves by doing different activities which help them to stay fit.
>>> CORRECT
Second, it helps us avoid neurological disease such as dementia and depression.
>>> CORRECT
 Finally, we can socialize with many people on site whereas socialization online is unfact based meeting.
>>> CORRECT
 Some people can insist to the strongest advantage using technology for hobbies.
>>> CORRECT
It definitely helps to do some activities like smart watch which analyze the amount of exercise.
>>> CORRECT
 However, we can do any activities without technologies. 
>>> CORRECT
These devices can't be essential for our live but it can boast our convenience. 
>>> CORRECT
In conclusion, I prefer to do work out instead of doing something with technology.
>>> CORRECT

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
107377 5Verbs Àü*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-04-10 671
107376 more women over 40 have babies À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-04-10 1
107375 homework ¹Ú*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-04-10 5
107374 What can you say about cat-calling? Do you think women are the... ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-10 639
107373 correction ±Ç*½Ã ¿Ï·á 2021-04-10 1
107372 Task ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-10 739
107371 What skill do you want to learn in the future and why? ±è*¿­ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-09 682
107370 My opinion about physical education in school ±è*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-04-09 632
107369 Homework (259) ¹Ú*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-09 682
107368 If you were a musical instrument, what would you be and why? Ȳ*Á¶ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-09 500
107367 [04/08]Homework ¹Ú*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2021-04-09 1
107366 : The favorite topic for new acquaintances in Britain is the... ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-09 1
107365 grammar ¼Õ*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-04-09 466
107364 Employees tend to remain with a company until some force causes... À¯*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-09 2
107363 Sharing it may be the best opportunity to make each ther a... ±è*¶û ¿Ï·á 2021-04-09 790
107362 Will you be willing to move out from a certain company and go to... À¯*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-09 1
107361 What was the best offer you have recently received? ¹Ú*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-09 727
107360 HOMEWORK ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-09 479
107359 Homework ¹Ú*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-09 5
107358 Friday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-04-09 607

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04