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영작교정 게시판

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자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
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담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

What was the biggest challenge you faced when you stayed in Japan? Why?

작성자: 권*원
2021-03-22 3996

회원님의 영작문

Before I went to Japan, I had never been in a relationship.
One day, after a class finished, I ran into a friend of my Chinese’s friend.
At that time, I fell in love him at first sight.
I purposely took part in many events to cultivate good relationships with him.
The first event was going to Disney land. I heard the news that he took part in the event that was going to Disneyland, so I also took part in and used to talk to him.
Talking with him, I realized that he was a member of basketball’s club, so I also joined the club.
Sharing many times, I became intimate him but we were still a friend.
I became nervous because I returned to Korea soon.
Therefore, I decided to confess my love to him.
In his birthday, I talked him I just wanted to meet you alone and I confessed my love to him that day.
Finally, my confession was successful and he became my lover.
Now, I broke up with him, but I had no regrets because the confession was the biggest challenge in my life.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

I really appreciate it that you shared this incredible experience of yours, Cleo! I wish I had that courage you had before. Stay motivated! Take care! -Faith-
Before I went to Japan, I had never been in a relationship.
>> CORRECT
One day, after a class finished, I ran into a friend of my Chinese’s friend.
>> One day, after a class finished, I ran into a friend of my Chinese friend.
At that time, I fell in love him at first sight.
>> At that time, I fell in love with him at first sight.
I purposely took part in many events to cultivate good relationships with him.
>> I purposely took part in many events to cultivate a good relationship with him.
The first event was going to Disney land. 
>> The first event was going to Disneyland. 
I heard the news that he took part in the event that was going to Disneyland, so I also took part in and used to talk to him.
>> I heard the news that he would also go to Disneyland, so I also took part in it and used to talk to him.
Talking with him, I realized that he was a member of basketball’s club, so I also joined the club.
>>As I was talking with him, I found out that he was a member of a basketball club, so I also joined the club.
Sharing many times, I became intimate him but we were still a friend.
>> Sharing many times with each other, I became intimate with him but we were still friends.
I became nervous because I returned to Korea soon.
>> I became more nervous because I had to return to Korea soon.
Therefore, I decided to confess my love to him.
>> CORRECT
In his birthday, I talked him I just wanted to meet you alone and I confessed my love to him that day.
>> On his birthday, I told him that I just wanted to talk to him alone and I confessed my love to him that day.
Finally, my confession was successful and he became my lover.
>> Finally, my confession was successful and he became my lover.
OR Things went well after our private talk and we became lovers.
Now, I broke up with him, but I had no regrets because the confession was the biggest challenge in my life.
>> CORRECT


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