¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

HI....

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Á¶*Çö
2021-03-22 3504

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®



hi,

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Here's your corrected composition, Jessica!

Cheers,
Jean~~




                   Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Some people refer doing
schoolwork or jobs that are easy to challenging ones. Use specific reasons and
examples to support your opinion.


It is dabatable whether people can benefit more from doing schoolwork or jobs
that are easy to challenging ones than doing difficult things in schoolwork or jobs.
>> It is debatable whether people can benefit more from doing schoolwork or jobs
that are easy than doing difficult ones. 

This is an intriguing question because opinions concerning this issue can be
different depending on people¡¯s perspectives. 
>> correct

In my opinion, however, I support that doing schoolwork that are difficult ones than doing schoolwork or jobs that are easy to challenging ones for the following reasons.
>> In my opinion, however, I support the argument that doing challenging schoolwork or jobs is more beneficial for the following reasons.

This is because first, people can learn more about that fields, and they can think
more and more. 
>> First, people can learn more about that field, and they can think
more and more. 

To be specific, designing new things, and utilizing the knowledge
in school or company make very useful things and improve their abilities.
>> To be specific, designing new things, and utilizing the knowledge
in school or company to make very useful things and improve their abilities.

For example, computer programing school teacher who is related to c++program
can teach more if someone make two of them and combine a variaty of program
things. 
>> For example, a computer programing school teacher who is related to c++program can teach more if someone makes two of them and combine a variety of programs or things. 

It is differ from students which prepare a lot of things or a few things if
some students have same opportunity.
>> It is different from students who prepare a lot of things or a few things if
some students have the same opportunity.

 It will be become lots of ability gap, while learning something.
>> The result will be the large ability while learning something. 

Second reason is that people can be credited for that works more than easier
things. 
>> Second, people can be credited for doing challenging works. 

If someone make some game just use one program, it is very easy to make
and everyone can do. 
>> Creating a game or program can be quite easily done by almost everyone. 

If someone who make game combine lots of things and
apply many of things, someone can achieve recognition who use that game or that
field¡¯s teacher or others.
>> However, a person someone can achieve recognition by making a game and combining lots of things, and applying many things.

All things considered, it is my belief that my argument regarding this topic has
been effectively and precisely delivered with the reasons mentioned above. 
>> correct

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
106583 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-16 1
106582 zz º¯*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-16 1
106581 Homework 3.16 Àå*º° ¿Ï·á 2021-03-16 3996
106580 In most of the countries, people prefer to live in a rented... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-16 4933
106579 Which is your favorite sense? ±è*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-16 3988
106578 Homework ¾ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-03-16 1
106577 Homework should be limited Á¤*¼º ¿Ï·á 2021-03-16 4832
106576 family time ¼³*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-16 4420
106575 COMPOSITION º¯*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-16 1
106574 Homework º¯*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-16 1
106573 Composition º¯*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-16 1
106572 ±Ç*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-03-16 4888
106571 When is immigration helpful to a country and when is harmful? È«*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2021-03-15 1
106570 How can traveling be educational ±è*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-03-15 4244
106569 The thing I would buy if I¡¯m going to save up some money for... ±è*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-03-15 4663
106568 Homework (241) ¹Ú*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-15 5364
106567 Do you think all children should be taught loyalty and... Ȳ*Á¶ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-15 3249
106566 Homework ÀÌ*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2021-03-15 6
106565 What is your favorite music genre? Á¤*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-03-15 4364
106564 Hm Àå*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-15 4178

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04