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영작교정 게시판

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In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. Wh

작성자: 정*원
2021-03-25 2214

회원님의 영작문

Some people believe that children can accomplish anything if they endeavor hard, Giving children this message makes advantages and disadvantages while they are growing up. It can help children achieve their goal or give them a big stress which resulted in a defensive attitude. People encourage their children to set a high goal and say that they can do anything if they do their best. This is effective way for raising children because positive attitude is first step to do something. For example, when I was young, I was not good at running. Whenever I avoid to run at school, my mother always cheer me up with telling that I can run fast if I endeavor. Thus, when I graduated elementary school, I became a runner represented for my class. From that experience, I could have an ambitious attitude, and this is really helpful for doing my work. Otherwise, some children can feel a big pressure from parents' saying which is they can achieve anything if they do their best. Depending on children's

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Good evening Young Won!

This is a very appropriate topic for you. You wrote it very well and gave specific examples. Great job!

See you in a short while.

-T. Donna =)

Some people believe that children can accomplish anything if they endeavor hard, 
>> Correct!
Or: End with a period.

Giving children this message makes advantages and disadvantages while they are growing up. 
>> Correct!

It can help children achieve their goal or give them a big stress which resulted in a defensive attitude. 
>> It can help children achieve their goal or give them a big stress which can result in a defensive attitude. 

People encourage their children to set a high goal and say that they can do anything if they do their best. 
>> Correct!

This is effective way for raising children because positive attitude is first step to do something. 
>> This is an effective way of raising children because positive attitude is the first step to do something. 

For example, when I was young, I was not good at running. 
>> Correct!

Whenever I avoid to run at school, my mother always cheer me up with telling that I can run fast if I endeavor. 
>> Whenever I avoid to run at school, my mother always cheers me up telling that I can run fast if I endeavor doing it. 

Thus, when I graduated elementary school, I became a runner represented for my class. 
>> Thus, when I graduated in my elementary school, I became a runner and represented my class. 

From that experience, I could have an ambitious attitude, and this is really helpful for doing my work. 
>> Correct!

Otherwise, some children can feel a big pressure from parents' saying which is they can achieve anything if they do their best. 
>> Otherwise, some children can feel a big pressure from parents' saying that they can achieve anything if they do their best. 

Depending on children's
>> To be continued...
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