¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

How important is dancing in your culture?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Ȳ*Á¶
2021-03-26 2203

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Dancing is very important in Korean culture. In past, there was a dance called masked dance. When there was corruption in my country, citizens wore mask and dance. During the dancing, people criticized the country and expressed their thought.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Here's your corrected composition, Kai! This is one interesting piece of your history and culture that you've shared. Thank you.

Cheers,
Jean~~

Dancing is very important in Korean culture. 
In past, there was a dance called masked dance. 
>> correct

When there was corruption in my country, citizens wore mask and dance. 
>> At that time, our leaders or officials oppressed the people and they were corrupt so the citizens wore masks and danced. 

During the dancing, people criticized the country and expressed their thought.
>> While dancing, people criticized the country and expressed their thoughts. 

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
105714 English Homework 28 ÃÖ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-02-17 1023
105713 Homework º¯*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-17 5
105712 Homework ÀÓ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-02-17 948
105711 Composition º¯*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-17 1
105710 Homework ÀÓ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-02-17 935
105709 What I want to add in my ideal fitness program ½É*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-16 1
105708 The biggest problem that I have overcome. ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-16 1257
105707 COMPOSITION º¯*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-16 3
105706 [2/15]/Homework ¹Ú*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2021-02-16 1
105705 Composition º¯*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-16 1
105704 The things I expect for this new year ±è*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-02-16 842
105703 What do you get from watching movies/dramas? ±è*¿¹ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-16 0
105702 Do you agree that video games should be prohibited to teenagers? ±è*¿¹ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-16 0
105701 Homework (224) ¹Ú*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-16 881
105700 Noun FRUIT and adjective FRUTY ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-02-16 808
105699 What makes someone beautiful? Á¶*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-02-16 1
105698 About self-esteem ¼±*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-02-16 835
105697 Better learning ÀÌ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-16 1004
105696 Homework ±è*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2021-02-16 821
105695 grammar ¼Õ*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-02-16 841

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04