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it is important for young children to go to school as soon as possible

작성자: 정*성
2021-04-05 453

회원님의 영작문

There are a number of reasons why children should stay at home until 6 or 7 years old. Firstly, young children should grow up with the love of their parents before they go to school. It is more important to stay and play at home with parents than go to school early because it helps kids their stable emotional. Secondly, the young child has a weak immune system. If children go to school or child care at an early age, they will get sick easily. Some people argue that going to school early is helpful for social skills. I think it is wrong because many people didn't go to school early in the past. However, they have enough social skills.

To sum up, I believe that young children are not important to go to school at an early age.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Good evening Andy! Well, I hope and pray that you're going to get the IELTS score you needed. And I want to congratulate you and your wife for your coming baby boy. ^_^
T. Irene
There are a number of reasons why children should stay at home until 6 or 7 years old. 
>>> Correct. 
Firstly, young children should grow up with the love of their parents before they go to school. 
>>> Correct. 
It is more important to stay and play at home with parents than go to school early because it helps kids their stable emotional. 
>>> It is more important to stay and play at home with parents than go to school early because it helps kids be emotionally  stable.  
Secondly, the young child has a weak immune system. 
>>> Correct. 
If children go to school or child care at an early age, they will get sick easily. 
>>> Correct. 
Some people argue that going to school early is helpful for social skills. 
>>> Correct. 
I think it is wrong because many people didn't go to school early in the past. 
>>> Correct. 
OR
>>> I think it is wrong because older generations didn't go to school early in the past. 
However, they have enough social skills.
>>> Correct. 
To sum up, I believe that young children are not important to go to school at an early age.
>>> To sum up, I believe that it is not important  for young children to go to school at an early age.

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