¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

My opinion about physical education in school

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿ø
2021-04-09 596

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Yes, I think. Because only sitting down on a chair is not good for our health. We should often move our body. Students should grow up so I think it¡¯s helpful for their growth. And I think it can also relieve their stress.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Heidi! That's true! Physical education is as important as other subjects in school. It should not be neglected. It can help us a lot in terms of keeping fit and being athletic. 

 Thank you for making an effort in answering your homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon!

Yes, I think. Because only sitting down on a chair is not good for our health. 
>> Yes, I think because only sitting down is not good for our health. 

We should often move our body.
>> CORRECT

Students should grow up so I think it¡¯s helpful for their growth. 
>> Students grow up and this would be beneficial for their growth. 

And I think it can also relieve their stress.
>> And I also think that it can relieve stress. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
106858 Please see this message Sharon,, Á¶*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-23 1
106857 Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at us... Á¤*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-03-23 3567
106856 Homework (247) ¹Ú*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-23 3222
106855 The biggest change this world needs. ±è*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-03-23 3513
106854 Do you think violence is needed to discipline a child? Why or... Çã*´Ã ¿Ï·á 2021-03-23 4
106853 If you had the chance to change your name, would you do it? ±è*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-03-23 3031
106852 What makes you happy? ¹Ú*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-23 4003
106851 Interview question ±Ç*½Ã ¿Ï·á 2021-03-23 2
106850 Failure makes me better! ÀÌ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-23 3095
106849 The best season for trip ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-23 2
106848 Hm Àå*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-23 2902
106847 homework ±è*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2021-03-23 2
106846 What is the first thing you search about the company you want to... ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-23 3159
106845 grammar ¼Õ*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-03-23 2788
106844 0323 Àå*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-03-23 2
106843 Homework ÀÌ*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2021-03-23 5
106842 Composition º¯*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-23 2
106841 Fill in the blanks ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-03-23 3139
106840 homework °¨*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-03-23 3330
106839 I am very thank you for my parents, because they give me a lot... ±è*¶û ¿Ï·á 2021-03-23 4101

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04