¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Do you like playing computer games?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÃÖ*¼ö
2021-04-16 800

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Some people likes playing computer games to relieve their stress after doing excessive works. However, I do not like playing computer games.

This is because I simply do not have a time for playing computer games. Some people plays computer games to refresh their minds in their spare time, but I usually do watching TV or sleep when I exhausted. Computer games require us concentration to win, so I would get more stress if I do playing games at free time.

But, when I was a kid, I fell in love with a computer game "Crazy Arcade" for a while. It was a game which I would die if I was hit by a water bomb by my competitor. One day, I had nightmare which I dead by a water bomb like the game, I felt scared. I told about the bad-dream to my mother, and my mother banned me to play that game.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Hae Su!

Finally, I was able to check your composition. I must say that you have very good expressions and systematic flow of thought. Your mistakes are minor ones and we can remedy them as we go along our classes. Thanks for sending your answer to my question.

Excellent start, keep it up!

-T. Donna =)

Some people likes playing computer games to relieve their stress after doing excessive works. 
>> Some people like playing computer games to relieve their stress after doing excessive work. 

However, I do not like playing computer games.
>> Correct!

This is because I simply do not have a time for playing computer games. 
>> This is because I simply do not have time for playing computer games. 

Some people plays computer games to refresh their minds in their spare time, but I usually do watching TV or sleep when I exhausted. 
>> Some people play computer games to refresh their minds in their spare time, but I usually watch TV or sleep when I'm exhausted. 

Computer games require us concentration to win, so I would get more stress if I do playing games at free time.
>> Correct!
Or: Computer games require us concentration to win, so I would get more stress if I play games at my free time.

But, when I was a kid, I fell in love with a computer game "Crazy Arcade" for a while. 
>> But, when I was a kid, I fell in love with a computer game called "Crazy Arcade" for a while. 

It was a game which I would die if I was hit by a water bomb by my competitor. 
>> It was a game in which I would die if I was hit by a water bomb by my opponent. 

One day, I had nightmare which I dead by a water bomb like the game, I felt scared. 
>> One day, I had a nightmare in which I died by a water bomb  just like the game, I felt scared. 

I told about the bad-dream to my mother, and my mother banned me to play that game.
>> Correct!
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
109252 I want to go to the future!!!!> ±è*¶û ¿Ï·á 2021-06-09 539
109251 My biggest weak part in English ÀÌ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-09 495
109250 grammar ¼Õ*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-06-09 546
109249 ÈÞ°­¿äûÇÕ´Ï´Ù ±è*ÀÚ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-09 462
109248 grammar ¼Õ*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-06-09 469
109247 Do people drive well in your country? ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-09 3
109246 How do you define beauty, using your own words? ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-09 1
109245 Work email ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-09 543
109244 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-09 3
109243 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-09 0
109242 Homework ¹Ú*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2021-06-09 536
109241 Fill in the blanks ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-06-09 361
109240 Should parents be held responsible for their children\'s... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-09 544
109239 Wednesday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-06-09 546
109238 Should parents be held responsible for their children\'s... Çã*´Ã ¿Ï·á 2021-06-09 1
109237 Homework ÀÓ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-09 445
109236 What is something you hate doing when you get home from work or... ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-09 0
109235 Who are the 3 people in your life that you can\'t live without?... ÃÖ*¿Á ¿Ï·á 2021-06-09 0
109234 What do you think should the government of South Korea focus on? ÃÖ*¿Á ¿Ï·á 2021-06-09 0
109233 Homework🌈 ¹Ú*¸® ¿Ï·á 2021-06-09 400

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04