¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Do you like playing computer games?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÃÖ*¼ö
2021-04-16 777

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Some people likes playing computer games to relieve their stress after doing excessive works. However, I do not like playing computer games.

This is because I simply do not have a time for playing computer games. Some people plays computer games to refresh their minds in their spare time, but I usually do watching TV or sleep when I exhausted. Computer games require us concentration to win, so I would get more stress if I do playing games at free time.

But, when I was a kid, I fell in love with a computer game "Crazy Arcade" for a while. It was a game which I would die if I was hit by a water bomb by my competitor. One day, I had nightmare which I dead by a water bomb like the game, I felt scared. I told about the bad-dream to my mother, and my mother banned me to play that game.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Hae Su!

Finally, I was able to check your composition. I must say that you have very good expressions and systematic flow of thought. Your mistakes are minor ones and we can remedy them as we go along our classes. Thanks for sending your answer to my question.

Excellent start, keep it up!

-T. Donna =)

Some people likes playing computer games to relieve their stress after doing excessive works. 
>> Some people like playing computer games to relieve their stress after doing excessive work. 

However, I do not like playing computer games.
>> Correct!

This is because I simply do not have a time for playing computer games. 
>> This is because I simply do not have time for playing computer games. 

Some people plays computer games to refresh their minds in their spare time, but I usually do watching TV or sleep when I exhausted. 
>> Some people play computer games to refresh their minds in their spare time, but I usually watch TV or sleep when I'm exhausted. 

Computer games require us concentration to win, so I would get more stress if I do playing games at free time.
>> Correct!
Or: Computer games require us concentration to win, so I would get more stress if I play games at my free time.

But, when I was a kid, I fell in love with a computer game "Crazy Arcade" for a while. 
>> But, when I was a kid, I fell in love with a computer game called "Crazy Arcade" for a while. 

It was a game which I would die if I was hit by a water bomb by my competitor. 
>> It was a game in which I would die if I was hit by a water bomb by my opponent. 

One day, I had nightmare which I dead by a water bomb like the game, I felt scared. 
>> One day, I had a nightmare in which I died by a water bomb  just like the game, I felt scared. 

I told about the bad-dream to my mother, and my mother banned me to play that game.
>> Correct!
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
108910 grammar ¼Õ*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-05-27 523
108909 Which natural disaster do you fear most and why? ÀÌ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-27 497
108908 If you can sell anything from your valuable things, what would... ÃÖ*¿Á ¿Ï·á 2021-05-27 0
108907 What are some of your bad habits and how do you think are you... ÃÖ*¿Á ¿Ï·á 2021-05-27 0
108906 Have you ever experienced an earthquake or tremor? Do you think... È«*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-05-27 1
108905 At what age do you think someone becomes responsible for his or... ±è*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-27 462
108904 Have you ever been in the hospital for some severe treatment? ¹Ú*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-27 599
108903 Sprinkling ash on the finished rice!!! ±è*¶û ¿Ï·á 2021-05-27 599
108902 Why do you think prices in Korea are high? ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-05-27 383
108901 Snack ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-05-27 372
108900 Which natural disaster do you fear most and why? ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-27 599
108899 Thursday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-05-27 393
108898 Tour places ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-27 423
108897 tell me about your favorite drink ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-05-27 556
108896 HOMEWORK: Writing Task: What would you say is the cheapest way... È«*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-05-27 981
108895 HOMEWORK: Writing Task: What foods from your country do you... È«*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-05-27 601
108894 Homework ÀÓ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-05-27 3
108893 HOMEWORK: Writing Task: Who are your favorite actors and... È«*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-05-27 550
108892 HOMEWORK: Writing Task: Do people in your town or city often... È«*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-05-27 558
108891 My homework Àü*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-05-27 581

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04