¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Do you like playing computer games?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÃÖ*¼ö
2021-04-16 805

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Some people likes playing computer games to relieve their stress after doing excessive works. However, I do not like playing computer games.

This is because I simply do not have a time for playing computer games. Some people plays computer games to refresh their minds in their spare time, but I usually do watching TV or sleep when I exhausted. Computer games require us concentration to win, so I would get more stress if I do playing games at free time.

But, when I was a kid, I fell in love with a computer game "Crazy Arcade" for a while. It was a game which I would die if I was hit by a water bomb by my competitor. One day, I had nightmare which I dead by a water bomb like the game, I felt scared. I told about the bad-dream to my mother, and my mother banned me to play that game.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Hae Su!

Finally, I was able to check your composition. I must say that you have very good expressions and systematic flow of thought. Your mistakes are minor ones and we can remedy them as we go along our classes. Thanks for sending your answer to my question.

Excellent start, keep it up!

-T. Donna =)

Some people likes playing computer games to relieve their stress after doing excessive works. 
>> Some people like playing computer games to relieve their stress after doing excessive work. 

However, I do not like playing computer games.
>> Correct!

This is because I simply do not have a time for playing computer games. 
>> This is because I simply do not have time for playing computer games. 

Some people plays computer games to refresh their minds in their spare time, but I usually do watching TV or sleep when I exhausted. 
>> Some people play computer games to refresh their minds in their spare time, but I usually watch TV or sleep when I'm exhausted. 

Computer games require us concentration to win, so I would get more stress if I do playing games at free time.
>> Correct!
Or: Computer games require us concentration to win, so I would get more stress if I play games at my free time.

But, when I was a kid, I fell in love with a computer game "Crazy Arcade" for a while. 
>> But, when I was a kid, I fell in love with a computer game called "Crazy Arcade" for a while. 

It was a game which I would die if I was hit by a water bomb by my competitor. 
>> It was a game in which I would die if I was hit by a water bomb by my opponent. 

One day, I had nightmare which I dead by a water bomb like the game, I felt scared. 
>> One day, I had a nightmare in which I died by a water bomb  just like the game, I felt scared. 

I told about the bad-dream to my mother, and my mother banned me to play that game.
>> Correct!
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
106958 When a person spends most of his or her time working a job with... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-26 2853
106957 What is your favorite song and why? ¼Û*·É ¿Ï·á 2021-03-26 2567
106956 Homework ÀÌ*¶÷ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-26 2
106955 What are indirect questions? ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-26 2331
106954 What do you want to include in your ideal fitness program? ½Å*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-03-26 1725
106953 Homework ÀÌ*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-26 2185
106952 cover letter ÃÖ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-26 4
106951 cover letter ÃÖ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-26 1
106950 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-26 2
106949 How often do you wash your hands with soap? ±è*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-26 1849
106948 Do you prefer baths or showers? ±è*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-26 1861
106947 alternatives of zoos Á¤*¼º ¿Ï·á 2021-03-26 1620
106946 Composition º¯*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-26 1
106945 homework ±Ç*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-03-26 2290
106944 Composition º¯*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-25 2
106943 Homework (249) ¹Ú*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-25 2956
106942 (HW) Why is English fluency significant for you? Á¤*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-03-25 2080
106941 Should there be a limit on how many children a family can have? ±è*¿¹ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-25 0
106940 What do you think are the advantages and disadvantages of... ±è*¿­ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-25 2494
106939 In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve... Á¤*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-03-25 2027

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04